Eyes of blue, sorrow in twos, my life will stand stern as a ship, blowing in the wind.

Woo improv poetry title.

My life as of late is interesting... sort of. I've finally been out and about. Tongues of Fire on Thursday was so good. Jeremy rocked, I like him a lot. He seems to be a really chill awesome guy. I debuted a piece I was a little wishy washy about, but I got a really good response, so that makes me enjoy the piece a lot more. Friday.... I went shopping with my Grandma. I love my Grandma a lot, so spending time with her was great. We hit some box stores, and then second hand stores. I got this chest from my Grandma awhile back, it's not too large, like, you couldn't fit a brick in it, but it's so nice, and I found a smaller one at the first shop we went to, and it has a little music player in it. So it's like a little music box. I figure I'll use it for a gift for someone I hold very close to me. So we shopped, and it was great. Saturday was a let down. I just set up the Christmas Tree, and sat around at home. Sunday wasn't too bad. I went to the Reading Room Cafe, visited Sinead and just hung around. Her Dad, and I'm assuming his love interest showed up, and they came by and they sat at many tables and ended up sitting around with me, in the comfy chairs, and it was so nice. I like Sinead's dad, he seems to be a very peaceful fellow. I like Sinead too, we actually talk which is something I'm loosing in people lately. Wait a second. I ...nevermind. Sunday I tried to go shopping, but it was a failure and a half. By the time I finally got into town, was finished talking to people I love, most of the shops I needed were closed. Which was alright. I could deal with it. Monday, yesterday, was dismal. I woke up to my mom being frustrated and annoyed that the computer was acting up. So I was in turn annoyed because she wouldn't chill out. So we were all up in each other's faces for the morning. Then it was fixed, so the tension settled. Then I wanted to go into town early and shop a little, but it didn't work out, because it was supposed to snow. And I didn't know if I was working tomorrow. So if I went into town and got stuck, I would have had to have packed all my work gear and a tonne of food, because I wouldn't be coming home tomorrow after work, because the slam is happening. So I just didn't go into town. Which bummed me out, I was excited to go. THEN I found out the $150 I was going to get for the Youth Ambassador training I helped with isn't coming until MAYBE before Christmas. I'm off to Vancouver NEXT WEEK. So I may have to pack food, and crazy budget, but I dunno. I'm gonna heckle a lot to get the money. It'll make my trip happen. But tonight was a lot of fun, it was Ben and Dave and Amy's birthday dinner at Earl's. Then we went to Peacock's. I really miss the band a lot. It was a lot of fun though. Fun watching people drink, that's for sure. I can never get bored of that. Then I came home, the bus ride was alright. I was in a fantasy world in my head, and feeling really comfortable there but someone I talk to got on the bus, and I just didn't want to leave the world, but I did. Then another friend got on the bus, and it's always good to see him. Then I saw my friend Eric drive by, and I hopped in his car and we passed by the mutual friend who I was on the bus with, and scared the crap out of him, ahahaha. So awesome. Drove up behind him, hit the horn, and then slammed on the brakes. He jumped a mile. So we were all in the car chatting. Then we dropped the one friend off, and Eric took me home, and we chatted a bit which was super nice. Now I'm chillin'. Hopefully having a band practice tomorrow, and shopping, and then it's the big bad slam! I am getting excited for it, it's gonna be a total blast! Gooooodnight everyone!!
<3 .

I remembered a part of what I wanted to blog about.

Being this sick takes me back to life a couple years ago. All I've been doing is staying up kinda late, not being able to fall asleep until like, 1AM usually, waking up at 11AM, and then sitting in front of the computer all day. That was my life for summers and stuff. After working, and doing shit; I hate it. I don't like being back here. I don't like being so sick.
Part of life, I guess.

Hey child, things are lookin' down, that's okay you don't need to win anyway.

So I haven't blogged in two months. There was just something going in my life I didn't want to broadcast, and I was a bit of a fool about it all, and the saga has completed and things are good. Ahahah, I this is horribly ambiguous, but deal with it. So two months... I got a new job. I garden in Oak Bay. I also do a bit of landscaping here and there. I've really enjoyed it, but the fall clean-up kills me a lot. Raking leaves. Lots of leaves. And clipping back. It just gets SO monotonous. But then it finally got switched up, and I did more landscaping work which was mega refreshing, and I ended up getting the flu. GREAT. There's where I'm at lately. Last Sunday-Friday I was FLOORED. Fever of 102.5/102.7 at times, couldn't eat for three days, no puking luckily, but I almost did, nose running like a fountain, coughing, it was awful. I spent so much time in bed it was absurd. Most of my days would be spent waking up at like, 10, showering until 10:30, sitting downstairs until noon if I was lucky, going back up to bed, sleeping/laying around until like, 3-4, back downstairs for a couple/few hours tops, then back up to bed until the next morning. I've been on the upswing since Saturday, but man does this shit linger. I dunno, I got my aum tattoo done on my wrist awhile ago. A month? 2? Closer to two. I also got my conch pierced, on my right ear. It's been almost a month since that. Ahh, I dunno what else to catch up on. I'm finding myself slowly edging into the Victoria Spoken Word scene and I love it. The people are great, the shows are amazing, and performing is always something I love doing. I'm feeling like poetry is something serious that I can really give myself purpose with, so I need to work with it more, for sure. I need to write everyday, it's a bit of a goal I have. I want to work with forms a bit, and just freewrites. I also need to work on writing about a topic, and sticking to it. Most of poems just float off and I'd like to do a few that stay on track, and tell a solid story. I dunno, it's exciting. I perform at Tongues of Fire, an Open Mic for spoken word, and it has a feature performer, and it's always a good time. It's every second and fourth Thursday of the month, show starts at 7:30, and is $5. Always a good time, as I said! And there's a slam happening on the 15th, I think? I've been told I should go in, so I figure I may as well! I'm just excited at where this can go... it's fun, and interesting, and constantly inspiring. That seems like it's the biggest thing in my life... I have so much to learn in that area, Spoken Word. So many people to meet, so much. It looks like I'll get a chance to really blossom. I've been second guessing my exchange a lot lately. I'm just not sure, it's so much money. $2,500 for the program alone (Which includes airfair, food, and a place to stay), but then there's shots, and clothes, and luggage, and extra shit I'll buy while I'm out, and all these little things which will easily tack on another $1,000, and that's all money I could use to just up and go somewhere. Or move out and breathe easy for a bit. I dunno. We'll see. I have friends going up to the Yukon in March, and I'd like to tag along with them for like a week or something, if I can get it off work, and then spending another week in Squamish on my way down to climb with Jaslyn. Then in the summer, I want to bike the gulf islands. Just fill up my backpack, hop on my bike, and see where it takes me. Again, providing I can get the time off work. That'll probably be two weeks. And yeah man. My trip to Vancouver is looking goooood. I'll arrive in Van at sometime. Then meet up with someone. Then it's Cafe Deux Soleil in the evening, for their open mic. I'm already stoked. Then I've got a blank slate day, then another day! So we'll see what happens. I'm excited! Then it's Christmas at home. Then there's Iris' open mic! And after that it's NEW YEARS. Hopefully something is happening at Braden's. Then it's Malcolm's party. The band is playing at both Iris's and Malcolm's, so hopefully that all goes well. Anyways, I'm damn tired. You can also blame a lovely girl named Emily for getting me back into blogging. I've been seeing her blog, and I love it a lot. It makes up a little bit for not seeing her as much as I used to. Be well, everyone.
<3

I can't wait to wake up to rain hitting my window.

The autumn solstice has come and gone, and it's still 25 degrees outside.
I am ready for the temperature to change. I am ready for the new season to come in full effect.
I feel like the fall will bring new energy that I need. New courage... new lifestyle. I'm excited for nature to be perfect.
I haven't been blogging lately. Yeah I've made blog posts, but I haven't been blogging. I haven't been connected to myself. And I won't be blogging for a little while yet. My emotions are too much for me to want to put them up here at the moment. They are loose ends, that I don't feel should be tied up in the web of electric charge running around the earth. So, you may know that I love my job beyond words. I love many and few people a very large amount. I am in the current mode of shifting. I have sketches for a new tattoo. The timing is feeling quite right.

Five Minutes of Satisfaction.

The clouds have been so beautiful lately.

Holy buses.

This weekend I spent over 8 hours on buses, it was nuts. So much back and forth. So many fall throughs on the plans side of things. Oh well, I guess. It was well worth it! Saturday I was supposed to work, but it just was not working, so I decided against it. So I ended up seeing a lot of Dom, Sarah B, and Iris. Which was awesome. Got my uke, played lots of music. Today was lax as well. I'm skipping a lot of what I did, in case you can't tell, I need to get to bed soon. I was supposed to hang with Sammy today, but she slept in, which is a bummer, but it totally happens. I wasn't too worried about it. I also start work tomorrow! Landscaping in Oak Bay. I am realllllllllllly reallllllly excited. I mean, I have to get up at like, 5AM, but whatever man. It should be really good. I've realized lately, and for the past few weeks, is that when I feel good is just fades quickly. I used to smile at someone, get a smile back, and be good for the rest of the day, but now it's just there and gone. It's weird. I don't know what it is. But I'll figure it out soon. Anyways, gotta make my lunch, and hit the hay! Goodnight all!

Be well.

You make me wanna pick up a guitar, and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you.

Love, love, love. Tonight I feel sick of it. I wish it would disappear, ahah. It'd make my life easier. But that's just me whining. I'm saying a lot of things lately that I don't mean. This is not a good thing at all. It is a terrible habit. I've fallen into constatnly saying "no,no, that's a complete lie, aah". I used to be so against lying. What is going on here? I need to figure a lot out. So this week has been interesting, I guess. It looks like I've landed a job landscaping in Oak Bay, working mostly with plants. I'm amazed at how the powers around me work. I wanted a job working outside with plants so badly and I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to find one or not, and BAM. There is one. Right in front of me. I have one more phone call to go through, and then I'll be a little more clear on whether I have the job or not. I found that out on... Wednesday. Tuesday was a fairly dead day. RIGHT. Tuesday I got new shoes, and a ukulele. I fricken love my uke, I've played it soo much lately. I'm so pleased with it. I worked on Wednesday as well. I had a lot of good energy after that phone call, but work sucked it out of me. I just hardly talked to anyone. It was one of those days where just nobody was around. So that's fine, I guess. Thursday... yesterday... I went for a bike ride. It was nice. I haven't been biking much lately. And then I think I did something. I know I went into town, but for what reason I've forgotten. Weird, I have no idea at all. Did I even go into town? I'm not sure. Today I went into town for sure, though. I went to Tongues of Fire. It was awesome. I really want to get involved with the Victoria spoken word community, it looks just so amazing. I got to read a poem, which was cool. I was super nervous, I was the second reader of the night, ahah. It went well though. I saw lots of friends at ToF. So it was such a solid night. Cannot wait for next Thursday! As for right now. I'm probably going to look up songs to learn on my uke! Pass the time away. Goodnight all. I need to be more present.

Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully.

Haven't been able to get ahold of Hannah today. We were going to hike Mystic. Hopefully tomorrow we will go. Or today. I'm also possibly meeting up with Arwen today. Hopefully that works out. Yesterday was great. Manhunt was a total blast. The rain made it great fun. After that I went to the door party, which was decent! Minus the fact that nobody showed up. WEll, people did, just not too many. Which kinda sucks. But it was fun! Good to be with people, for sure. Psyche, not hiking today! Hannah isn't feeling well, which is cool. Help me plan a little better. Ahhh. I described how my life feels in a sweet similie to Emily. I'll copy and paste it. "it feels like everything is a gradient of colours melding into each other, with no real clear image". Lately everything just feels all blurry, with no clear direction. Hopefully after tomorrow things will pick up. Tomorrow I get my resume done, and start a job hunt! So I'll have some direction then. Weeeo, the joys of needing to buy/pay for shit. Fuuuuuuck.

Be well!

I just sit on the ground, in your way.

So. Yesterday was good. What did I do? Uhhhh.... right. Woke up, worked out. Biked up Sooke. Ate, fixed my bike, turned out it wasn't totally fixed so I didn't get to go on a good ride, oh well. Came home, then went to Dom's for a movie night, which was sweet. Today's been blah. I need to go to bed earlier, for sure. Fuck going to sleep at 2AM, it's pointless. This morning I feel pretty crappy. I dunno, I woke up, and it was actually really cute. I heard these three kids singing a chorus of" Rain rain go away" outside, and it sounded amazing. But yeah, my mom is really annoying me today. I just want her to not open her mouth at all. I just feel like she's so immature sometimes. It's pretty irrational though. Today I'm off to play Manhunt, and then a door potluck. Should be fun! Manhunt will be extra interesting with this weather. We'll see how it goes! Hopefully my change of clothes will stay dry. I'm hoping my plans work out for tomorrow! It should be a really good day. And Tuesday will be good as well!
Hopefully hopefully hopefully.

Tides.

Sooooo yesterday was quite nice. I went into town, got my paycheque. Walked around a bunch, visited Arwen at Floyd's, got kicked out. Sweet. Then I came home. Andddd, I ate dinner, then mom was pissy with me again. Then I biked, which was so nice. 20K, which is good. I miss biking a tonne. Tomorrow I'm thinking about Langford! Today was a good day too. Intense. I shaved my beard off. I dunno, last night I was thinking about how I haven't seen my face in 3 years, and "Why not?". So I decided that I'd do it. And this morning I did it. It was awesome. Uhmm, I was really surprised with how my face has changed. I've got a jawline, and like... structure. I've never had that in my life before, I've always been such a round face. This summer I'm meeting my goal of working on my body quite well, I'd say. I just saw a girl's hand from next door reach over onto my sliding glass door handle. What the fuck. Neighbours are partying, whatever. Ahh, and then today I went into town with Hannah, saw people, came home. People's reactions are great. So many people just don't recognize me. It's saddening a little. But anyways. I went back into town with Alex, and we went to this awesome Art show/open mic/dance type thing at Camas. It was so amazing. I just had a really good time, with a lot of people. It was great. I'm feeling a lot more calm being done with work. It's really relieving. So overall I'm feeling fairly well! Hopefully a nice big bike ride tomorrow!

Be well.

Good gracious.

I swear I'll never do anything to make my mother happy. I quit my job, she's all disappointed and pissy with me. I'm going to be looking for another job. It's like she doesn't understand that I refuse to work a job that I'm not happy with. It's like she doesn't understand that I hold myself and my emotions highly. Whatever. I'll eventualy make her pleased, somehow. Ugh. I finally do something that I feel great and relieved with, and she's all "BLAH BLAH BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA." Fuck her. I'm going to start biking a lot again. I can't remember the last time I rode over like, 10K in a day. NOT COOL, MAN.

Holy smokes, batman.

SO. Holy shit I feel so good. Squamish was so amazing. I'm definitely going back there next year. The drive there was fucking beautiful, too. So gorgeous, so amazing. Such a nice place. When we got to Squamish, we chilled, then went climbing. Climbing was incredible. We climbed burgers and fries, ( https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4xk904FiDjqvjpyOkLOsJM5KHty6rcPy-Gn5Tv_9kR15asn2H4xZU6eNiq9rEwVXJkJvuaoGPUmkIZelC8Uqjcmn1rpworFavD8wu7aaLtT2iy0tVlNXlcEL64T73IBMMqtRrbo2ea6A/s400/IMG_4216.jpg not a photo of me, but whatever) and it was so intense. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to do anything like that in a million years. So I am officially addicted to climbing. I'm going to hopefully get some gear soon, and go climbing a lot at Crag X. Uhmmm, then after climbing we ate dinner, and hung out, then got drunk, and it was a mega blast. Then we slept. A lot. And then we climbed in Jasyln's garage, because she has kick-ass 16 foot tall climbing walls in her place, and they were sweet. Then we went to the boulder fields, to try bouldering, but Lara, Scotty, and I had to leave, so that was a major bummer. So he headed to the ferries, and like, it ended up being so amazing. Caught the 7PM ferry, and I had met this one girl awhile ago briefly, she was with Brigid, and her name was Monika. So she was definitely on the ferry, and we totally talked the whole ride and had a sweet time. ALSO, Chris was on the ferry as well! So the three of us just hung out and had great connection and conversation. How wonderful! Then Monika was on the bus ride to downtown, which was super nice. Thenn I ran into Louisa! We chatted, caught the bus, and Meghan/Michael/Alan were on the bus, and then Hannah got on in Langford. It was such a nice introduction back to the island just seeing so many people. So today I worked, and I'm only working a couple more shifts next week, and then I'm done! I can look for something more suited to where I am with life currently. So I am pumped about all of that. I just feel a lot of relief at this moment as a being, and a lot of like... new opportunity to move in a new direction. Lots of climbing, and biking, and hopefully good work, and yeah! It's time for change.

Be well. Much love.

Tonight I'm gonna rest my chemistry.

Man, I don't even know right now. So much going on in my head. My mom's talking about moving a lot, but I can't see it happening if I'm going away for 6 months, and I don't want to trap her here. I dunno, it's a lot to think about. I'm still fairly sure I'm going to quit my job. I'm looking for something a little quieter, and that'll involved being around less people. We'll see what happens. Today was a decent day, mind you. Wasn't too terrible, I suppose. I was so tired the whole day. I dunno, I don't feel too up to blogging right now.
Night.

No words can describe

I feel like shit. Absolute shit. I just feel like putting my head in my hands and sitting. For days. I'm tired, my job is just not going well at all, I don't feel like I'm connected to anything at all. And that is fucking scary. I'm thinking I'm probably going to quit my job. I'm just feeling really trapped. I need to look for something I'm motivated and wanting to do. I took the door to door job because it was right there, and easy to get into. I've definitely learnt the easiest route is not the best route. Sooo, I dunno, I'm honestly pretty set on quitting. I have this feeling that even if I start doing well, it's not going to change anything. So I'm going to quit, and look for something more interesting. Dedicate my time back to myself, because I know that's something I need. Today was a decent day, as well. I had my first band practice in.... 5 months? It was so wonderful. Ben finished our album, and we've got some plans for selling CDs soon! ( www.myspace.com/islandsend ). It was just so good to make music again. Then I had a couple terrible bus rides, and a meeting that was actually really nice. It was for the Sooke Youth Council, and it was just awesome to think about stuff with people. It felt a bit redundant, but it was definitely something that was necessary to get the ball rolling again. So yeah. It's time for change.

Spit for the hated, the reviled, the unrefined.

So today was.... okay. My mom had a serious chat with me that involved her thinking about moving across the country, back to her home. It had me in a daze pretty much all day. She told me when she got home that she feels we probably wouldn't go, but it's still there I think. So I dunno, that really threw me for a loop. Then I had to work. I've been doing a terrible job for like, the last two weeks, and I just have to get it in gear. I don't know why I'm not doing well, but I need to pick it up somehow. So work is hell basically. I'm trying to pick it up, but it's just not working. I haven't been able to realize my emotions lately. I don't know what I feel. I feel like a giant callous. Tomorrow is going to be the first band practice in... 5 months? I am quite excited. It's been so long. It'll be nice to make music as a band again. I also have a pretty huge Youth Council meeting in the evening, so that'll be interesting as well. Tomorrow evening I'm going to bike as well. Down to the spit, and around. Just find quiet places to chill out, and relax, and breathe, or whatever. Hopefully this weekend goes well. I'm off to Squamish on Monday.

Slow Hands.

Ahhhh yes. This morning I felt very rushed, and I didn't enjoy it one bit. I was completely dreading going to work, but when I got there, it was nice to see Dan, Clem, and especially Louisa. It was extra nice to see her. I felt like I connected with her awesome at Braden's party, and it was just really nice to see her again. And the day went well, talked a lot which is always nice. But yeah, work was alright. Bus ride home was nice. I dunno what to blog about. I feel like my life is shambles again. I'm not biking much, not exercising much, not meditating much, not doing much of anything. I need to remember myself. I seem to get so caught up with having to always see people and do stuff that I forget about myself. I swear to fuck that I don't know what I need in life right now. I say need to damn much, and it's driving myself nuts. If I say I need something, and if I go out looking for it, I'm going to completely miss it. Being present is so important. Just be present. What I need will reveal itself when I am being. FDASGhadsjkfhdsfkahslkdas fuck man. It's really intense. It'll be sorted out soon enough, I guess. jkhaljf. Blah. This is how I feel.

Holy smokes.

So my weekend was amazing. The Potholes with Ben/Cody/Alex were wonderful. We hiked around for a few hours, and went in the water. They all swam down the potholes for awhile, and I couldn't as I can't swim, so I just stayed back and hung out. Before they trekked down the river, we decided to have a little poetry read. So I read a couple poems, and Ben recited his. I loved his poems a lot, they were so awesome. The anticipation was totally worth it. Then we started to talk about loud poems and stuff, and I've got a couple of those, and after we talked, I was just itching to recite mine. So I asked, and everyone was down, so I stood up and just went nuts. I read "Champion of Nothing", and it was incredible. When I got to the part on fear, and nothing stopping up, I was speaking at the top of my lungs. I could hear my voice echoing off of the potholes back at me. After I was done reading, I was shaking. It was so incredible, I just completely lost myself in my words. I realized that like... my voice adjusts to the size of the room, and there's no walls at the potholes, so I was just shouting my words to the world. It was such a freeing experience. So then they swam, and I walked down to the next little area, and just hung out, climbed on the rocks with them a little and the like. Then I just chilled on this one little beach by myself, and it was super super nice. Came home, hung around, and it was super chill. Such an awesome day. Right now, though, I feel like crap. I'm tired, feeling really rushed and stressed for some reason. I don't know why, but it sucks. I have to go to work, and I'm not stoked at all. I do not like canvassing in Esquimalt. The feeling of that place is just really eerie and incomplete to me. Whatever, work is work, as they all say. Work is bullshit.

Be well.

End of the day.

So, after I left Ben's, I caught the bus with another Ben, and we yakked and it was a nice ride, had a nice little talk with a couple backpackers. I went home, and met up with Ben and Cody a little later, and we just hung out, and it was super nice. We hiked through a bunch of sweet land to Kemp Lake - Cody's family owns a tonne of land out there. It was really beautiful. It felt so good to just be in and with nature. Then we went back to Cody's and hung out for a bit longer, listened to awesome music, listened to some sweet poetry, then we set up the tent and I went home for dinner. I was planning on going back, but by the time they got back to me I was way too tired. I would like to go, but I am just so dead I need a good rest, and to not bike around at night. I feel bad, as I just remembered that I was going to bring a glowstick so that we could do some light-art with some longer exposure film shots. Shit. Well, I'm at home for a reason, and I'm pretty sure it's for downtime. Which is really nice. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, though. It'll be nice.
I feel good.

Be well.

A bright and sunny morning.

So yesterday was an alright day. I went to work, and I dropped by the MEC and it turns out they didn't carry the shoes I wanted, so I've gotta order them through the website, but it's free so I'm not too worried about it at all. I'll probably get them in a couple weeks. Work was okay. I've been feeling a major lack of confidence at work, and nervousness doing my job, which has really hindered my ability to be effective. But I talked to this one guy and his buddy who were just sittin' down drinkin' beers and having a good time. He was super interested, listened to everything, and I had a really good rap. It just really lifted my spirits. So the rest of shift was alright, didn't make any money, but next week will be a lot better. Then after work, it was party time! Braden had a grad 'ol party, and I saw lots of people I haven't seen in ages. It was fantastic. I drank a bit, but I wasn't terribly drunk. I really need to stop being such a fucking loser, and really cut back on drinking. Even though I wasn't really drunk, I still drank more than I told myself I'd like to, and I hate letting myself down. There's no excuse as to why I cannot follow my own rules and goals that I set for myself. So I've gotta get my ass in gear with that. I was able to say "Hey, I need to help my body out, I'm going to bike a lot", and "Hey, I want to work my upper body, I'm going to work out as regularly as I can," and actually do it, so there's no reason why I'm not able to do this with drinking. Time to get my ass in gearrrr!!

Thanks.
Much love.

I had to buy a lot of stuff today.

So, I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or just because I am, but my mom is really driving me nuts. I had an early morning too. I got home at 12:30, because I missed the 9:55 bus, barely. So I ended up going to bed at about 2, and I was up at like 8:20-ish. I had to right away shower and bike to the see the community health nurse, and get my Tuberculin skin test results. Got those. Went to Worklink, faxed them to CWY. Then I went home, waited for the bank to open. Went to the bank, deposited my paycheque, dealt with a money order, went to People's, got stamps, went to Only Deals, got an envelope, went to the grocery store, got lunch meat, then came home. Got mega annoyed with my mom, so now I'm just wanting my own space. Right now I am eating breakfast, and considering if I want to go into town early or not, so I can drop by the MEC and grab some new kicks. Actually, depending on when Dan calls me, I'm going to go and get them today. I'm stoked on them. Anyways, this is me being done ranting for now. I'm hoping work goes better today than yesterday. We'll see what happens!

Be well.

August 20th.

Today was an alright day. It started off well. I woke up a bit early after a wonderful sleep, and worked out. Then I had a shower, and made some food, and headed off for work. It was nice. Work was okay... I wasn't totally feeling it today. I had a mess of emotions for the first half of work. I'm working an area where someone I care a lot about lives, and she's currently away, and it's just really weird. I felt a lot of anticipation, and it just made me a little uneasy. And the area I was working in was intimidating. It didn't feel good. Lots of huge expensive houses, incredible yards, amazing views. I mean, it was wonderful to be working by the ocean, but the surrounding area just didn't feel good. I trudged through it, and did alright. I missed the 9:55 bus which sucked, but it ended up being a good thing. I got my paycheque which I really needed, and I had a sweet bus ride home, and I got to spend some time with Daisy which was nice. It felt really good to read poetry to her, and vent out and stuff. Met her friend Jessica, and I talked to her for the busride, which was awesome. Talked with Alan a bit, and it was wonderful. So the bus ride was nice. Same with after work. The reason I missed my bus, was to talk to Jessica, and get my cheque. I just know that those are the reasons why. I'm sure tomorrow will be nicer, I'll at least be in the loop a little more for work and such. No more wild goose chases.

Fuck it.

Uuuuuuugh. So today was a waste of a day. I had my hearing test in the morning, which went well. The tester said he hasn't seen ears that can hear the higher frequencies like I can in a long time, which was super awesome. Then work was a disaster. Again. Apparently there was an e-mail sent out about where we're going to be meeting, but I never got it. Or a phone call, or anything. So I ended up calling Dan 4 times, with no answer. I called the hotline, no info there. Bused to Hillside, where we were, nobody there. Bused back to the office, nobody there. Bused back to Hillside, checked out the other cafe, nobody there. Bused back into town, and just floated around. So I'm going to start looking at other places to work part-time. I'm wanting to work like, in a garden/nursery place, learning about plants, and how to take care of them, and all that stuff. I'm actually at least really interested in that stuff. I'm really hoping it works out. We'll see what happens. I'm dreading work tomorrow.

Heaven only knows, 'cause I don't understand.

So, I didn't end up biking to Vic again. I know it looks like I'm avoiding it, but I'm really not. My knee has been getting messed up from biking, and I saw my doctor today and figured it out. It's some weird thing that just happens, mostly to runners. Turns out it lasts for like, 6 months then decides to disappear usually. So I'll look for some deep stretches, and take breaks while biking, and see what happens. Yesterday was a really good day. I hung out with Cory, and we walked all over the place, and talked, and chilled up on the summit for awhile, it was awesome. Then we went back to his place and chilled for awhile there, he lives at a really amazing place. He also gave me an amber synth dread, and a couple beads with it, and he gave me a set of runes, and a book explaining how they're used, and what they mean. I'm excited to learn about them. Then after that, I went to Malcolm's, and Tristan was there. Eventually Paul, and Greg showed up. We drank beers, and bbq'ed, and it was a good way to end my day. Today's been pretty frenetic sofar. I got up at 8, left at 9, got to the doc's at 9:40ish. Talked to him about my knee, and the tuberculin test, and a hearing test. Turns out I can get the TB test in Sooke, so I got that done. Then my Grandma and I (She drove me into Langford) dealt with our joint savings account, so now we can both do whatever we need. I also chatted with Jazzy, which was fantastic. Thennn I went home, and set up a hearing test for tomorrow morning. I checked the mail, and I got $500 for my passport to education, which is super cool. So I think I've got $750 total sitting there. Then I biked up Sooke and got our dog's license. So today's been good, busy. I work at 5. I'm just feeling really good after accomplishing a lot, and not having to worry about money or that kind of stuff. It's such a relief. So weird at the same time. I'm feeling really inspired to be out in nature. I want to hike through the Carmanah Valley, Cathedral Grove, San Juan Park, Red Creek, Strathcona Park, just all the old growth areas on the island. Suan Juan Park is home to the second largest Spruce in the world, I think, the San Juan Spruce. Then Red Creek is home to the Red Creek Fir, the largest Fir tree in the world. I dunno, if I know you fairly well, and you've got a 4x4 or some knowledge of the area, or you've been there before, I'd love to go. So uh, yeah. I dunno, I really want to see what this island/coast has to offer before it's all gone. On the whole, I feel quite refreshed and just.... calm. It's nice. I'm so loaded with anticipation it's ridiculous though. I feel like I could explode everytime I think about my exchange. Which is a lot.

*boom*

Be well!

"Nevermind," said the shotgun to the head.

So I'm doing alright currently. Yesterday was a lot of fun. Lots of laughing at work, which is always sweet. After work I ran into Seth, which was wonderful, I was happy to see him, we caught up really quickly. Then I ran into Mr.McFarland, which was awesome. I've been wondering how he's been, and it was so good to catch up. He's got a baby boy! So that is awesome for him. I caught the bus home, then I biked to Luke's place for his birthday party. It was a lot of fun! Climbed up on the top of Sooke Elementary and chilled up there for a bit. Back to Luke's, and we just laughed and watched videos on youtube, and watched TV, and laughed at porno titles. I biked home, and got to bed at around 4, and then woke up today at like noon. So late. So I decided because I had no solid plans, I'd just go biking. Biked to Langford, and my knee started to act up, so I decided against biking home, and I waited for a bus. Good choice on my part, Sammy and Katie were on the bus, and it was grea to see them. Had some good chats. Came home. Now I'm feeling kind of edgy. I think it's from a weird sleep last night, and my knee. I'm just really frusterated that my knee is suddenly deciding to act up when I ride my bike. Augh. Oh well, I guess. Tomorrow I'm biking to Vic, so hopefully it's not going to be a bitch. We'll see!

Good laughs and good times.

So today was spectacular. Woke up at 10, got ready for the day and such, and hopped on a bus at like quarter past 11. Hung out on the bus, Paige was there which was nice. It was good to see her. Then Jen hopped on, and we talked as usual, and walked around town a bit, went down the breakwater, just hung out for a bit. It was nice. We passed by the James Bay Coffee Co. and it turned out Cory was working his last shift! Superb timing on my part. So I'm going to bike into town on Monday, and meet up with him, and we'll bike to his place and just hang out and the like. He's off to Hornby soon, so he'll be gone-gone-gone which makes me sad! But he'll probably have such an amazing time. Then it was off to work. Work was chill, as usual lately. During dinner, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Louisa let out this like... blurp thing. It was a GIANT belch mixed with laughing, and it set Sarah, Evleen and I off completely. I almost choked and puked because before I was laughing, I took a bite of my apple, but I was okay. But I laughed and laughed and laughed. Even after everyone was done. I was so exhausted afterwards. My face was tired, I had huge tears down my face, my stomach burned, and I wanted to take a nap. It was fantastic. Then we worked more and it was good. Then I came home. The bus ride was interested. Ended up getting two new buses, ahah. OH YEAH, and I got super good news about the exchange I want to do. For those of you who don't know about the exchange, it'll be three months in an Atlantic Canadian province with a host family and exchange person, then three months in the exchange person's country. So 6 months total. And I'm hoping to go to Ghana. So I had to do some basic applying awhile ago, just like, my age, where I live that kinda stuff. Then I had to get medical forms done and I was stressing over them so badly. I got them done, and CWY recieved them a week or so ago, so I had wait for processing. So a few days ago I found out my medical forms were approved, which is SWEET. Then I got an e-mail this morning saying that I'm accepted to go into a phone conference type-thing to learn more about the program, and so CWY can learn more about me. So I just have to send them $250, anddd do the phone conference, and a weekish after the phone call, I'll find out if I'm in the program or not! I'm really hoping I get in. The exchange will be for next September. Hopefully, hopefully!

Be well, Much love.

Musings.

Hmmmm. Today was interesting. Got to work on time, Sarah and Evleen were late, but it's no huuuuge deal. We decide to go out finally, and it starts pouring. So we head into the mall. We kick it for awhile, and the rain finally decides to calm down, so we head out. It all goes well and work ends. Sweet. The bus ride to and from work was great. Hannah was on it, so I had great company and great conversation. I love that girl a lot! I've been kind of floating along lately; getting used to a schedule, and trying to get used to not biking as much. That last part - fucking sucks. I think I'll probably start biking to Langford soon, and eventually biking to Victoria for work. We'll see what happens. I've been really wanting to hear from a friend lately. I just want to hear how she's doing. Probably amazing, but it's always nice to know for sure. I'm going to work out extra hard today, because I ate a fuckload of shitty sugars today. Timbits and some other stuff. Just feels really gross.
Ugh. Hopefully I get a good nights sleep tonight; I'm going to see Jen in the morning. Goodnight.

Much love.

Perseids.

This is probably my favourite time of the year, when Perseids hits. I don't know why, but I just get some extra energy from it, and it makes me feel really content. I feel at home. Really at home. Today ended up being pretty alright. Work was good, I passed my eval so I've actually got the job. Not too shabby! I saw Jonah on the bus and talked with him, and it really calmed me down. Tonight I just went out and watched the showers for about an hour. Climbed up the hill at the development just behind my place, laid down, and looked up. It was magnificent. Saw at least 7 really bright meteors, and probably like, 7-10 smaller ones. So amazing. I wish I could just lay outside all night and watch. It was so amazing. Just on this hill, big fairly flat open area that turns into trees, and my little town below me, and the infinite sky above me, showering down with just like... natural totally beautiful little meteor droplets, ahah. It was magnificent, there was a lull for awhile, and I hoping to see some larger ones before I left as I need ample rest for work, and I waited for 5-10 minutes, and then one big one hit, and I got excited, sat up and got ready to go then a second hit, then a third, all within like, 15 seconds. It was as if the sky was saying goodnight. I saw a couple more on my way down, then rode home. It was very beautiful. Put a smile on my face, and even some chuckles of joy. Tomorrow night, more Perseids.

Yeeesh

Foreword note: This is copied and pasted from like, this morning.

Yesterday was a pretty good day! I set up my speedometer on my bike, and went for a 20K ride, which was nice. Thennn hung out at home for a bit, helped with dinner, and I was off to work. Work was good, had some great conversation that I needed, then I was off to the spit. The spit was amazing. I finally got to see the sun set over my town for the first time in awhile and it was really amazing. There was this gross smell of seaweed, and I was all "Euuuuugh", but then I went to look at it, and saw tens and tens of birds eating, and it was incredible. Something so yucky holding so much life. Then on the other side the sun was setting, and 4 seals were swimming around having a grand time. It was beautiful. Then this woman, Jude, and I talked a little bit about how amazing it all is. Kept walking, saw my Aunt's ex-boyfriend, and had a quick chat with him. It was just nice to really connect with people again. Did some meditation, walked around. Forgot my watch. But biking home, I ran into Dylan, Tasha, Matt, and Lee driving around, so we all talked, then we all went home and headed back down to the spit at like, 11 to soak up the meteor showers. They were pretty good, I enjoyed it. Now I'm off to work pretty soon, and I don't feel good about it. I don't know how working there is going to follow through, but we'll see. Things just kinda suck with it right now. Whatever. Fuck it.

Bloggy Doggy PSYCHE.

Yesterday I ended up not biking to Vic. The weather really put me off from the idea. So instead I bused into town, and got my MEC membership. Then I hunted around for "Slam" and couldn't find it. I tried to meet up with Seth, but he was nowhere in sight, I floated around from like, 1:15-2, and he wasn't anywhere, so something must have popped up. I saw my bus driver friend Tim, and it was so good to see him. He's not driving the 61 anymore which really sucks, but I'm in town a lot. We had a quick chat, and then I decided it was about time to get off the bus. So yeah, that was so wonderful. I bused back to Langford, and way going to visit Jen at Worklink but a workshop was going on, so I bused down to Canwest, and picked up a "Bike Computer". It's basically a speedometer, tachometer, and it measures your max. speed, and average speed, and trip time. It's really handy. I'm going to get a notepad and write down all of my riding info on it, and keep track of it all that way. Little more reliable than facebook statuses and memory. I saw Sara in Langford which was so awesome. I was really happy to see her. I bused home, and the ride was fairly average. At home I just chilled, and at around 12 I went on a scavenger hunt and got some cool stuff. Got home at about 1. Totally soaked, but it was fun. Theeennn today I just woke up, ate, hooked up my speedometer to my bike, and rode 23K. It was nice. Now I've gotta do some prep for dinner, eat, and it's off to work! I've been feeling like I'm on cruise control for the last couple days, and I hate the feeling. I feel outside of my body. It's fucking gross. So hopefully I can get over it soon. Tonight I'm going to bike to Whiffin Spit, I think, and meditate. I need it. My mom's been feeling totally dead of energy all day and it seems like nothing is helping her. It sucks a lot, and is a bit irritating, but whatever. I'll be gone for most of the evening.

Much love.

I've fallen far down, the first time around.

I've been listening to a lot of Nick Drake lately. Evan introduced me to him at POH, and I've really enjoyed his music. I really miss Evan. I need to call that boy and get some plans together. I haven't seen him since POH, which is far too long. I've been caught in the whirlwind lately. With work, I'm just feeling a lack of depth amongst the people I'm working with, so naturally I jump up to face value as well, and it feels like I'm comprimising myself. So through the week I kind of feel like I'm disassociated with myself. But today was really grounding. I was with Sammy for the day, and we just walked around barefoot together, talked, and learned a lot about each other. So it was just really amazing. I haven't a good solid connection in awhile. So today I got some more of the grasp back to myself. I also went on a 20K bike ride this evening. It felt like nothing. Which is really good. That means I am getting in shape. Tomorrow will hopefully be a 100KM day. Riding to Victoria and back. I'll have a nice break with Seth to re-energize, so I'm hoping I can make it both ways. I've met all my goals sofar, and I don't plan on breaking the streak. It's an extra 40K that I haven't ridden before, but you don't breakthrough by sitting still. Hopefully it all goes well! If I make the full 100K my three week total of riding will be 472KM. I'm hoping I can do that. I know I can do that. Fuck hoping; I can. I will. Tomorrow I'm riding to and from Victoria. It will be intense, and good.

Much love, be well.

Emotions!

So today was a weird day... I woke up, and went on a bike ride, it wasn't anything too amazing, but it was good. I decided against a big ride, because when I woke up I just wasn't feeling it at all. I cahsed my cheque, which was weird. I got pissed off in the bank. They have a fantastic "anti-burglary" system in place where you have to remove sunglasses, turn your hat backwards, or take it off. That kind of stupid bullshit. I had a helmet on and I was told to remove it. Soooo pointless. I'm going to rob a fucking bank, then getaway on my bike. It just pisses me off when I have to do stupid shit like that. Whatever. Today I've been feeling pretty emotional. Just like... lonely, kind of empty. Not like, anything brutal, but just a bit of a wake-up call. Work was decent. I was really motivated to get stuff done, but everyone else was feeling down and out, so that kinda sucked. But whatevaaaaa. Then I talked to this one woman at this house, and it was really surreal. I knocked on the door, and an older woman answered, and I asked as I always do, "Hello! How are you doing?" She said well, then stopped herself and said "Well, not really" and she rubbed her hand through her hair and said "I'm going through chemo". And it just hit me. It was a very intense feeling, and I was like, speechless. We had a short nice chat after, but I'm not going to forget that woman anytime soon. She really blew my mind. So that is still sitting with me. Right now I just want to hold someone I care deeply about. I don't really care who, there's a number of people I care deeply for, but alas, I am in Sooke, and they are all far away. But oh well, I'll get through it. Always do!

Be well.

Rice.

God damn I love rice. I alos love exercising. Which means after this I am working out, and tomorrow morning I am waking early to go on a bike ride, before I'm off to work. I have to remember to fit biking in along with work. I still need to ride 100KM every week. After tomorrow's ride, I'll be at 90 for the week. I can make up 10 for sure. Today work started off so slow, and I felt so not into it, but after dinner it totally perked up. I made another PAC and totally had a confidence booster. I'm really excited to bike tomorrow. I saw my bike today, and it's been like... 4 days since I've ridden. Fuck that shit. I'm so stoked to ride tomorrow. But yeah, today = good. Saw Hannah on both bus rides! So nice to have a friend to bus with. Working is good, but I need to remember to focus on all aspects of my life. It feels like I'm moving forward with work, but I'm otherwise stagnant. So! Biking time. Reading time. Connecting with people time. Gotta remember all of that. Whew! Time to work out, and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. Goodnight, friends!

Much love.

Whoa, man.

I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. I FEEL PART OF IT IS THE FULL MOON. But a lot of it is Ben hauling ass and remastering two of our songs, and mixing two more. All this new material just gets me so stoked for the band. So that is so good. Updated the myspace, give it a listen! http://www.myspace.com/islandsend
So yeah, that is fantastic. Work went better than I was expecting today. I made some money! It took me like, a week to do that last time, so that was reassuring for sure. I had a good time, ended up meshing with the people, and it's sweet sofar. So yeah, I'm just feeling good right now. Not a lot to say... but yeah. Full moons make a little loopy.

Now do you know how I feel, tonight?

I FEEL GREAT. I don't know why. Probably the little workout. They always make me feel good. I think talking to Claire helped as well. She is such a lovely gal. I wish I could wake up, and see her outside my window waving or something. Oh well! Today was a super lazy day for me. I slept in until like, 12:30. Got some much needed rest. So yeah, today I just like, sat on the computer, played a bit of bass, and lazed around. Such a nice rest after like, 5 days of go-go-go. I worked my first shift at the Youth Drop-In "One Stop Shop". It was good! I enjoyed it. Had some important conversation that turned into some action items. I enjoy being there. This evening I've just chilled. I start work on door tomorrow. I always feel two really opposing emotions when I think about work. I get really exicted about being with the door crew, and and making PACs and being all in it, but I also feel this great apprehension. I have a feeling it's just my opposition to working for money. So we'll see how it goes. Work will treat me how I need to be treated. If it kicks my ass, I'm not meant to be working at PO. Anyways, that's about all for this blog. Bedtime soon!

I love you.

Shiiit.

SO.
I've been so busy in the last like, 5 days. Good god. I'm glad it's over. Yesterday was a good day. The Symphony Splash was good. It was a lot of fun to volunteer for, I had a good time. I dropp by VEMF for an hour at Billy's Bistro to soak up my friend Chris' (DJ Okibi) set. It was sick, I loved it. Then I went back and volunteered from 7-11:45. It was sweet. I stayed the night at Paul's place, and leaft early in the morning, around 7:30AM. Bused home, ate, showered, then hopped on my bike and rode to Oak Bay. It was about a 60K ride, and took me around three hours. It was great, but my hip/knee were bugging me from the start. My knee now officially KILLS. But it was worth it. My two week total of cycling is now 344KM. Ezra had an art day at his house, and it was good. I enjoyed it. Rachael mentioned that with my spoken word so much of it sounds the same, and I totally agree, and I was hit with a strong feeling of wanting to change that; so I'm going to really work to experiment with words, and sounds, and beatboxing, and all that. Try to really create something unique for myself. I was so tired all day, I felt pretty bad about being so dead at the art gathering. But it was good, for sure. Then I came home. I am glad to be home. I'm not feeling too introspective right now. My leg hurts, I'm tired, and yeah. I just need some rest. I'm not doing my body any good with such little rest. I'll workout tonight though, just because I need it.

Holy Hell.

SO, yesterday. Yesterday I woke up really early. 6:30AM. To be at work for 10AM. I did a street shift instead of door because of shifting contracts and stuff, so yeah. It was alright. We were in a crappy location, and I just really didn't enjoy it. It was painful, slow, and I don't like the feeling of street. I feel really rushed, and I found it hard to like.. be calm about it all and hook people from just walking by. I much prefer door. So that was okay. Then I hung out with a bunch of the PO crew, which was nice. We just sat on the sidewalk and yakked. It was cool. Then I went to the Halo Fragfest. Oh man was it ever a blast. I had a lot of fun, it was good to just play mindless video games with a bunch of people. I stayed the night at Ben's which was a lot of fun. I really like being in that house, it feels a lot like a second home sometimes. The morning was pretty decent, just hung around with Ben/Beth/Kate. It was nice. Good to see everyone. I then caught a bus to town, where I metup with a different Ben. We talked for a bit, then Joey and Mike appeared. So I had a quick chat with them. Then I hung out with Ben for the following few hours. It was really awesome. We just talked about a lot of stuff. A lot, ahah. It was really awakening to talk about all of it. We dropped by VEMF a few times, and man, it was so amazing. I just totally have a thing for people gathering, it gives me so much energy. Get people gathering, and have wicked music. Well, I almost needed a change of underpants due to orgasm. It was just amazing. I joined a hack circle, and just danced and hacky-sacked. It felt wondrous. Then I hopped on a bus back to Sooke, and Sinead was on the bus. To make that even better, Dan was driving our bus. For those of you unfarmiliar with Dan, he announces all the stops, thanks everyone for taking BC transit, updates you on ETAs, the time, and the weather. He really makes you engaged in using a public service, which is so cool. Sinead and I also had very intense chats, which was SO good. Then I came home to my Grandma, Mom, Cousin and her son being there. I wasn't expecting my cousin/Odin, so I was a bit like "whoaa man". But it was nice to like... be with my family. It didn't feel as tense as it always does. I guess it's because my aunt wasn't there. But it was pretty good. I was kind of hoping for some downtime, I'm so tired. But I didn't really get much with a little toddler around. So I ended up biking to the spit, which was good. Then I came home. Now I'm here. I NEED to workout tonight before I go to bed. I've missed it three nights in a row, and that is not good at all. Sooo, I'll hopefully not fall asleep too late. Tomorrow is going to be a massive day.

Much love. Be well.

A day, a day, a day.

Today I awoke again to my alarm. I had my training at PO at 12, which was good. It was a good refresher. I felt kinda crappy in the morning though. I had peanut butter, and it totally upset my stomach so like... I was feeling kinda like junk. But the bus ride was interesting. This guy sat beside me, I really noticed him. I could just sense a sort of connection. I pulled out the book I'm reading a lot of, "Wheels of Light", and he saw it and after I put it away asked me about it, so we had a little talk about the book and energy and the like and it was really nice. Helped me forget about my tummy. Then this kid overheard us, and asked how we know any of it's real, and I was just like "I dunno, I just feel it, man." and then the guy I was talking to before ended up coming to the front, and basically trying to convince us that we're wrong because of some reason. I had a lot of trouble understanding what he was saying, he contradicted himself a few times, so I let him go. Jesse was the other guy, by the way. He kept on talking with the other guy. It was interesting to listen to. The other guy was trying to say all religion was wrong, and all that jazz. He claimed to be a pragmatist. I don't know much about pragmatism, but apparently it's all about being proven totally right and completely logical by someone. I felt a bit offended by the kid, especially when we were walking outside the Bay Centre and he had the nerve to tell me I should wear shoes. I was calm about it at the time, which is good, but yeah; that sucked. Interesting though how even just speaking of the energy that surrounds us as human beings brings us together. Neat stuff. Anyways, then Jesse and I just walked around to his friend's place for awhile, he's a pretty chill guy. Turns out he dropped off a resume at PO, crazy stuff. Then I had my training, it was fine. I'm working a street shift tomorrow, which will be interesting. I don't know how to hook people on the street, so I'll have to ask Ezra about that. 10AM - 5:30PM, so it should be a good time. Hopefully it doesn't get too hot. Then I came home. I started to feel really angry and frustrated, it was kind of pent up from the last couple days, and I was really annoyed with having to get up early tomorrow for a job I haven't even been trained for, but then I decided it was a good time to bike down to the spit. So I did. And I walked it, feeling ever more angry. Then I did a sort of meditation double set. I sat on the loud, windy, chilly, side and just focused on letting out anger, and calming down a bit. Then I just did my best to keep my centre and walk along logs, and my steps grew more intense, then I stopped, and went to the other sunny, calm, pleaceful side, and sat on this log by some really still water, and just focused on bringing in and accepting calm as my new mood, and anger as being passed. And I felt great. Then I had a quick chat with Allison's mom, which was nice. Then I came home and had a bowl of ice-cream. I should get to bed soon. I've got a day of work, then a night of gaming to get through. HELLLLL YESSSSSSS.

Be well, much love!

Cyclist's Rage.

So today was a decent day, overall. I mapped out a 30K route for me to bike this morning/afternoon. So I did. I have a new hate of Otter Point Rd. Like, both ways the hills are such bitches. On the way there, there's these two/three hills that are all quite shortly ater each other, and they are a pain to ride up, and on the way back they were like going down nothing. I was really looking forward to going down those hills quite speedily. Then there was this stretch of like, 150M where this dog ran at the edge of the fence just barking at me. I wanted to rip its barkbox out of it's throat, it was SO annoying. Then a car kind of cut me off down Whiffen Spit which was annoying, but not TOO bad. I've learnt from cycling how much cars really suck. Like, really, really suck. But I saw Brendan on my ride, which was cool. Nice to run into him, for sure. So I got home, and had to rush to get ready to catch the bus to go see Ben. Hanging out with Ben was for sure sweet, we went to Braden's, hung out there for a bit, an had an amazing dinner. I love the Young's house, it's always so nice to be there. Then we got Paul, and went back to Ben's and dipped in the pool for a bit, and then playe video games. It was a blast. So nice to hang out with those guys again, it's been FAR too long. Then I hopped a bus home. Tomorrow I have to be downtown for noon, to get trained for work. Not terribly looking forward to that. I'm feeling really worn out. The heat is really taking its toll on me. I'm also feeling quite lonely. But those will surface and sink, as they always do. Hopefully tomorrow goes well. I'm curious to see who will be training me. Blaaaaaah.

Much love.

Ayyyy yi yiii

This heat is really getting to me. I've learnt it makes me short tempered. As well, it keeps me from biking a lot, because it's just way too fucking hot. Tomorrow I'm going for a ride early. Which means I'll be getting up in like, 7 hours. Oh well, it'll be worth it. I mapped out a 30K ride. It'll be intense. Lots of hills. And not sissy hills. But man, today's been a weird day. It started out with my mom being mega upset about not getting any birthday wishes. She interpreted it in just a really negative way, and she ended up slamming doors and screaming and stuff, and told me it'd be best for me to go, so I went into town. I was feeling really bummed out, and I was going to visit Ben, but I ended up running into Seth. We ended up hanging out for a few hours, getting groceries, and just chillin' about. It was super nice. I always love to see that strapping young man. It was so hot in Victoria, it was bruuuutal. After being with Seth I just barely made the 61, and saw Fraser at the bus stop, and had a super quick chat with him. It was cool to see him, I haven't seen him in ages. Downtown seems to be the place to be for me. I'm running into so many friends lately it's absurdly awesome. I really love it. But my temper is a bit short with the weather and all, so that's a bummer. But I'm down with feeling bummed out, I've been on such a high for awhile. But anyways, I need to finish my laundry, and sleep. Big ride tomorrow! I'm also going to play video games with Ben and Paul and it will be so good. OH yeah, I've read so much of "Wheels of Light", and it's so hard to keep up with the blogging and condensing, but I'm loving the content so much. So awesome, and wonderful.

Much love.

Today was hot. Holy hell.

Soooooo. Today I woke up around 11, and was like "I have no plans. New week. I feel Langford beckoning to me." So I decided to ride to Langford. In like 30 degree weather. GAH. It was nice on the Goose because it was mostly shady and a bit of the cool breeze came off the water, but man. When I got home, I don't think I have ever sweat so much. My body was like a rock hit by a wave from the ocean that makes all the colours really deep, and makes it shine. It was cool. So then I showered, and called Justin at Public Outreach. I'm getting trained Thursday at noon, and work Friday 4:15-9:15, then Saturday 12:00-7:00. After I found that out it was dinner time, and just about time to head off to my Volunteer Orientation for the Symphony Splash on Sunday. I had a short patience with people in there. I mean, I understand people were wanting to clear things up but questions like "So where do I park to get to the Splash?" Uhhh, you park your car somewhere. It's your responsibility. And this one woman was speaking around radios and she mentioned tazers, and it really just annoyed me. I've found tazers to not be a joke to me anymore, and bringing it up just to me made it seem like she wanted to get that really superficial laugh out of everyone, and it really pissed me off. I have a feeling the heat, and a long day played a part, too. So that kind of sucked. I am excited to volunteer though, I had a really good time doing Security last year. If you're off to the Splash between 3-11, you'll probably see me. Sooo yeah, I had the orientation, and then caught the bus home. The ride was decent. Emily was there which was cool, it was nice to talk to her. Now I'm home, and I still need to do my workout, blog about Sophie's World because I've passed like three chapters, and maybe eat a little. I feel a bit famished. Today was a pretty mediocre day, but I can deal with that.

Much love.

What a day.

I feel fan-freaking-tastic!!
Yesterday I rode my bike a total of 72KM, and saw such an amazing combination of nature, that the energy totally flowed into today. I decided to take a lazy day today, I just rode my bike up Sooke and picked up a couple things we need, and came home. Then I went to town and played Manhunt. Victoria was amazing today. I walked through Bastion Square beatboxing, and this one woman asked me if I wanted a free tarot reading, and I was like "Sure; why not." I was a little apprehensive about it, because I've never had a tarot reading before, but it was really awesome. She knew what she was talking about, and it really reflected what I'm going through in life right now. It was just so wonderful to have this person who I've never seen in my life tell me to put my energy into these cards, and tell me about me. She was really sweet. Then I chilled in the grass, waiting for Manhunt to start, and Sarah G stopped by and it was nice to see her. She seems like she's doing really well, which is good to see. Then I saw Joseph, and he's a really cool guy. I like his company. Manhunt just felt like a gathering of family, it was so amazing. Ben was there, and Kate showed up, and so many others. I just ran around and had a great time. Had some good chases, some good psyche outs, and oddly enough, great conversation. Just so much plain old human connection. So amazing. Then the bus ride home was packed, so I read some of my book, and then some friends got on the bus, so I had a good yak home with them. I exercised a bit today, did a little 15 minute workout focusing on my upper body, and I've forgotten what exercise is like. Between biking, and this, I'm hoping I'll be able to get my body the respect it deserves from me. Things are just connecting so well in my life right now. It's so awesome. I created it all, too. I just decided "Fuck it man, I need stuff to do. I'm going to read, and blog about what I read, so I can better work to retain all the information. I want to get in shape, I've been saying it for so long, and now I have the time and means to do it. I just need to do it for myself, and I know I do. No point in stopping." I've been able to push my body and mind as well. I let myself down this evening though, and I will make up for it. I copped out on the plank exercise, I decided to close with it tonight, and I didn't hold it anywhere near as long as I felt I could have, so I robbed myself of bumping the limits. I'll make up for it, though.

Much love.
I write a lot.

Nature.

Wow. Today has been an incredible day to be outside in the nature. The power, and juxtaposition of nature to itself is incredible. I was down on Whiffin Spit with my friend Allison, when all the crazy weather hit. There was a sunset over Broomhill that was a crimson orange that spread both directions until one way, it hit the dark blue clouds of the storm, and there was this gradient orange/blue and it was beautiful. Then in the direction of the clouds were two large rainbows, and thunder, and rain. Then further even was clear sky, and some small clouds towards the States, and full circle back to the sunset. It was so incredible. Everything was shown. I just really realized what nature is, and that nature is truly wholeness, and one. So, so, so astonishing. I feel blessed.

Much love.

Another day, another bike ride, another journey.

My alarm went off again I was kinda confused. "9:30? I don't need to be fuckin' awake." "Oh wait, yeah I do, I'm biking to Langford with Skye." So I did my morning thang, and we biked. It was great to see her, and it was a wonderful ride. We dipped in Matheson Lake a couple times, which was really nice too. So I felt really refreshed after the ride, and felt great. Then I hung around at home for a bit, my mom's off to a BBQ and Luminara, so the place is open to me which is sweet. Dylan asked me if I wanted to head over to his place and watch some Sicko extras so we did. Tony Benn blew my fucking mind. He's totally radical, and it makes perfect sense. He speaks of many truths, and he just links so many events together, it's absurd. Sicko has really made me appreciate life, and question it so much. Just things like how the fuck is everything so determined by what people with money want? Tony said that Christianity, Judaism, what have you is not the top religion, it's Money. The love of Money. It just made so much sense. I'm not excited to start working. I mean, I am in the sense that I'll have solid to do, and that it is helping to create positive change, but I just hate working towards the dollar. It doesn't feel good. That dollar is a complete burden. It brings with it great challenge. My poem, Political Stew says it. "Our vote lies within a bill, not a ballot. Will McDonald's really suffice your hunger for change? Will Coca-Cola quench your parched throat from screaming WHY?!" With the dollars that one receives one has to be careful with where they are put. I need to remember that just because I have money, doesn't mean I have to pour it out and spend it. I need to hold onto it to support what I feel is right. My passions, other's passions. Buy local food, break the chain. It's daunting. That's just a chunk of the care it takes to live in North America without being a total prude. It's fucking crazy shit, man.

Much Love.

Mmm good day.

I woke up to my alarm, and was supposed to be a part of a phone conference for this camp I might be helping out at. I laid back down and fought with myself as to whether I should really do it or not - I tried to tell myself I didn't care. Bad way to start a day. I felt like I did in the last year. So I decided it'd be best that I get in on it, and it turned out that there was a scheduling error, so the conference didn't really happen. So I sat around. I was a total dick to my mom, because I was feeling lame and junky. I had a shower soon after, then went to Elijah's and got my shaver back. He's feeling a lot better, which I'm glad to see. Then I went to my Grandma's and helped her move wood. I love my Grandma so much. She hold the family together, and has so many connections, and so much knowledge, and so many books/trinkets/stuff to share. She gave me the necklace my mom gave to her dad, I believe in this cool little tea box that I told her I liked. I can always be so transparent with her, and not feel bad or have to worry about what words I use for fear of hurting her. That's what makes it hard for me to talk to my mom. I have to be careful not to hurt her. She is strong, and fragile at the same time. I got some books on energy from my Grandma to read, which is awesome. I've got a blog on the one I'm reading currently, it's linked in the left menu bar thing. It was really refreshing and gounding to read, and learn about something I'm interested in. I sat by the water, read. Then the tide was coming up, and the waves were louder and larger, so I felt that I was being told to go elsewhere. So I went to Ed Macgregor and read some more, in the middle of this circle area I have an attachment to. Then I rode my bike home. I rode my bike to the water and stuff. Almost got hit by a guy in a pick-up truck. Ugh. But yeah I came home, and here I am! Good day. I like it when I work through a day like this. So good. Looking like I'm going to ride to Langford with Skye tomorrow morning/afternoon. Should be nice!

Much love, be well.

Productive.

Today has been pretty good, overall. Woke up at 8-ish, had a bit of a disorienting morning. One of those ones where you wake up waaay too early, go back to sleep, then wake up when you're supposed to, and it just feels like the wrong time, or that time isn't time. One of those. Anyways, I got into the shower, then the bus. I've been reading The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran, and it's been really beautiful. Simple and eloquent. "And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair." That line has really resonated with me. I also finished the Tao Teh Ching a day or so ago. Reading those two books together pounded my spirit, and it's been delightful. I'm re-reading Sophie's World, by Jostein Gaarder and looking to write notes about what I read, so I can better retain all the information. There's a lot in there. I had my interview at Public Outreach downtown, and it was great. Chris interviewed me, and it was quick and painless, and we had really awesome conversation just about our own direction, life, all that jazz. It was really refreshing. Then I bused into Langford to meet with Jen and Randy. We had a good discussion about the Youth Council, and creating deliverables and the like, and working on how to get the Council back on it's feet. That was sweet, as well. I'm still feeling fairly calm, and connected, which is truly nice. I'm missing people/a person lots, so that is weighing down on me, but I will live past it. Tonight I will hopefully play video games with Ben, and then tomorrow I help my Grandma move wood. Should be a good time.

Much love.

First blog, cha-ching!

Life has been pretty intense for me lately. For the last few days, I've been feeling really grounded and connected to everyone - those I know, and those I do not. It's been really peaceful. I thinka lot of it is the fact I've spent a lot of time biking, being on the Galloping Goose, and Whiffen Spit. It's sort of an unspoken obligation that if you're on those trails, you smile, or recognize whoever you pass. It's really beautiful. In this moment I'm missing a lot of people. And a lot of one person. I know it will pass, but it's a bit of a bummer. Tomorrow I'm going to be talking to the manager at Public Outreach over coffee about working, so I'll at least be making some money soon. Hopefully. I'll call this blog quits, because I don't feel I have much more to say. Hopefully I'm feeling more comfortable soon.

Much love.