I can't wait to wake up to rain hitting my window.

The autumn solstice has come and gone, and it's still 25 degrees outside.
I am ready for the temperature to change. I am ready for the new season to come in full effect.
I feel like the fall will bring new energy that I need. New courage... new lifestyle. I'm excited for nature to be perfect.
I haven't been blogging lately. Yeah I've made blog posts, but I haven't been blogging. I haven't been connected to myself. And I won't be blogging for a little while yet. My emotions are too much for me to want to put them up here at the moment. They are loose ends, that I don't feel should be tied up in the web of electric charge running around the earth. So, you may know that I love my job beyond words. I love many and few people a very large amount. I am in the current mode of shifting. I have sketches for a new tattoo. The timing is feeling quite right.

Five Minutes of Satisfaction.

The clouds have been so beautiful lately.

Holy buses.

This weekend I spent over 8 hours on buses, it was nuts. So much back and forth. So many fall throughs on the plans side of things. Oh well, I guess. It was well worth it! Saturday I was supposed to work, but it just was not working, so I decided against it. So I ended up seeing a lot of Dom, Sarah B, and Iris. Which was awesome. Got my uke, played lots of music. Today was lax as well. I'm skipping a lot of what I did, in case you can't tell, I need to get to bed soon. I was supposed to hang with Sammy today, but she slept in, which is a bummer, but it totally happens. I wasn't too worried about it. I also start work tomorrow! Landscaping in Oak Bay. I am realllllllllllly reallllllly excited. I mean, I have to get up at like, 5AM, but whatever man. It should be really good. I've realized lately, and for the past few weeks, is that when I feel good is just fades quickly. I used to smile at someone, get a smile back, and be good for the rest of the day, but now it's just there and gone. It's weird. I don't know what it is. But I'll figure it out soon. Anyways, gotta make my lunch, and hit the hay! Goodnight all!

Be well.

You make me wanna pick up a guitar, and celebrate the myriad ways that I love you.

Love, love, love. Tonight I feel sick of it. I wish it would disappear, ahah. It'd make my life easier. But that's just me whining. I'm saying a lot of things lately that I don't mean. This is not a good thing at all. It is a terrible habit. I've fallen into constatnly saying "no,no, that's a complete lie, aah". I used to be so against lying. What is going on here? I need to figure a lot out. So this week has been interesting, I guess. It looks like I've landed a job landscaping in Oak Bay, working mostly with plants. I'm amazed at how the powers around me work. I wanted a job working outside with plants so badly and I wasn't sure whether I'd be able to find one or not, and BAM. There is one. Right in front of me. I have one more phone call to go through, and then I'll be a little more clear on whether I have the job or not. I found that out on... Wednesday. Tuesday was a fairly dead day. RIGHT. Tuesday I got new shoes, and a ukulele. I fricken love my uke, I've played it soo much lately. I'm so pleased with it. I worked on Wednesday as well. I had a lot of good energy after that phone call, but work sucked it out of me. I just hardly talked to anyone. It was one of those days where just nobody was around. So that's fine, I guess. Thursday... yesterday... I went for a bike ride. It was nice. I haven't been biking much lately. And then I think I did something. I know I went into town, but for what reason I've forgotten. Weird, I have no idea at all. Did I even go into town? I'm not sure. Today I went into town for sure, though. I went to Tongues of Fire. It was awesome. I really want to get involved with the Victoria spoken word community, it looks just so amazing. I got to read a poem, which was cool. I was super nervous, I was the second reader of the night, ahah. It went well though. I saw lots of friends at ToF. So it was such a solid night. Cannot wait for next Thursday! As for right now. I'm probably going to look up songs to learn on my uke! Pass the time away. Goodnight all. I need to be more present.

Hopefully, hopefully, hopefully.

Haven't been able to get ahold of Hannah today. We were going to hike Mystic. Hopefully tomorrow we will go. Or today. I'm also possibly meeting up with Arwen today. Hopefully that works out. Yesterday was great. Manhunt was a total blast. The rain made it great fun. After that I went to the door party, which was decent! Minus the fact that nobody showed up. WEll, people did, just not too many. Which kinda sucks. But it was fun! Good to be with people, for sure. Psyche, not hiking today! Hannah isn't feeling well, which is cool. Help me plan a little better. Ahhh. I described how my life feels in a sweet similie to Emily. I'll copy and paste it. "it feels like everything is a gradient of colours melding into each other, with no real clear image". Lately everything just feels all blurry, with no clear direction. Hopefully after tomorrow things will pick up. Tomorrow I get my resume done, and start a job hunt! So I'll have some direction then. Weeeo, the joys of needing to buy/pay for shit. Fuuuuuuck.

Be well!

I just sit on the ground, in your way.

So. Yesterday was good. What did I do? Uhhhh.... right. Woke up, worked out. Biked up Sooke. Ate, fixed my bike, turned out it wasn't totally fixed so I didn't get to go on a good ride, oh well. Came home, then went to Dom's for a movie night, which was sweet. Today's been blah. I need to go to bed earlier, for sure. Fuck going to sleep at 2AM, it's pointless. This morning I feel pretty crappy. I dunno, I woke up, and it was actually really cute. I heard these three kids singing a chorus of" Rain rain go away" outside, and it sounded amazing. But yeah, my mom is really annoying me today. I just want her to not open her mouth at all. I just feel like she's so immature sometimes. It's pretty irrational though. Today I'm off to play Manhunt, and then a door potluck. Should be fun! Manhunt will be extra interesting with this weather. We'll see how it goes! Hopefully my change of clothes will stay dry. I'm hoping my plans work out for tomorrow! It should be a really good day. And Tuesday will be good as well!
Hopefully hopefully hopefully.

Tides.

Sooooo yesterday was quite nice. I went into town, got my paycheque. Walked around a bunch, visited Arwen at Floyd's, got kicked out. Sweet. Then I came home. Andddd, I ate dinner, then mom was pissy with me again. Then I biked, which was so nice. 20K, which is good. I miss biking a tonne. Tomorrow I'm thinking about Langford! Today was a good day too. Intense. I shaved my beard off. I dunno, last night I was thinking about how I haven't seen my face in 3 years, and "Why not?". So I decided that I'd do it. And this morning I did it. It was awesome. Uhmm, I was really surprised with how my face has changed. I've got a jawline, and like... structure. I've never had that in my life before, I've always been such a round face. This summer I'm meeting my goal of working on my body quite well, I'd say. I just saw a girl's hand from next door reach over onto my sliding glass door handle. What the fuck. Neighbours are partying, whatever. Ahh, and then today I went into town with Hannah, saw people, came home. People's reactions are great. So many people just don't recognize me. It's saddening a little. But anyways. I went back into town with Alex, and we went to this awesome Art show/open mic/dance type thing at Camas. It was so amazing. I just had a really good time, with a lot of people. It was great. I'm feeling a lot more calm being done with work. It's really relieving. So overall I'm feeling fairly well! Hopefully a nice big bike ride tomorrow!

Be well.

Good gracious.

I swear I'll never do anything to make my mother happy. I quit my job, she's all disappointed and pissy with me. I'm going to be looking for another job. It's like she doesn't understand that I refuse to work a job that I'm not happy with. It's like she doesn't understand that I hold myself and my emotions highly. Whatever. I'll eventualy make her pleased, somehow. Ugh. I finally do something that I feel great and relieved with, and she's all "BLAH BLAH BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA." Fuck her. I'm going to start biking a lot again. I can't remember the last time I rode over like, 10K in a day. NOT COOL, MAN.

Holy smokes, batman.

SO. Holy shit I feel so good. Squamish was so amazing. I'm definitely going back there next year. The drive there was fucking beautiful, too. So gorgeous, so amazing. Such a nice place. When we got to Squamish, we chilled, then went climbing. Climbing was incredible. We climbed burgers and fries, ( https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4xk904FiDjqvjpyOkLOsJM5KHty6rcPy-Gn5Tv_9kR15asn2H4xZU6eNiq9rEwVXJkJvuaoGPUmkIZelC8Uqjcmn1rpworFavD8wu7aaLtT2iy0tVlNXlcEL64T73IBMMqtRrbo2ea6A/s400/IMG_4216.jpg not a photo of me, but whatever) and it was so intense. I didn't think that I'd ever be able to do anything like that in a million years. So I am officially addicted to climbing. I'm going to hopefully get some gear soon, and go climbing a lot at Crag X. Uhmmm, then after climbing we ate dinner, and hung out, then got drunk, and it was a mega blast. Then we slept. A lot. And then we climbed in Jasyln's garage, because she has kick-ass 16 foot tall climbing walls in her place, and they were sweet. Then we went to the boulder fields, to try bouldering, but Lara, Scotty, and I had to leave, so that was a major bummer. So he headed to the ferries, and like, it ended up being so amazing. Caught the 7PM ferry, and I had met this one girl awhile ago briefly, she was with Brigid, and her name was Monika. So she was definitely on the ferry, and we totally talked the whole ride and had a sweet time. ALSO, Chris was on the ferry as well! So the three of us just hung out and had great connection and conversation. How wonderful! Then Monika was on the bus ride to downtown, which was super nice. Thenn I ran into Louisa! We chatted, caught the bus, and Meghan/Michael/Alan were on the bus, and then Hannah got on in Langford. It was such a nice introduction back to the island just seeing so many people. So today I worked, and I'm only working a couple more shifts next week, and then I'm done! I can look for something more suited to where I am with life currently. So I am pumped about all of that. I just feel a lot of relief at this moment as a being, and a lot of like... new opportunity to move in a new direction. Lots of climbing, and biking, and hopefully good work, and yeah! It's time for change.

Be well. Much love.