Mental Health and Climbing

More like mental health IS climbing.  Hit the gym with a couple friends today, first time in about a week or so and just ripped it up.  Didn't climb a lot of hard stuff, spent a lot of time doddling on boulder problems, but I was able to work the bottom half of an awesome 5.12-. and I almost sent a 5.11- on my first try, but made a silly mistake at the top and took a fall.  Then finished it solidly.  Bouldered some V3 business, played around on V2, and setup a wicked little two dyno V0 route thing that is really fun.  Basically, climbing helps me let go of shit and just relax and have fun.  It's a physical challenge, and a wonderful work out.  Working out is something that has been missing in my life, and it is creeping back!  Been busting out the weights lately, and yesterday I went for a run around Swan Lake.  It's a gorgeous little run there, and it's not overly strenuous so it's perfect for me right now.  I've been on my bike a lot more, and not letting the fact that I need to bike somewhere stop me from going there.  Although it hasn't been pissing rain lately, so that could be a part of it.   I am feeling more open to exercise though, which is really exciting.  It helps to clear my mind.  It's as if for the moments I'm exercising that is all there is - just pushing my body, and working my limits however low or high they may be.  The stresses of everyday life, and romance, and work just all go away and I'm left to breathe hard and work hard.  I find that extremely relaxing.  Tomorrow is going to a busy day - work on bikes, climb, belay, climb, work, and then come home!  I'm really excited for it.  I haven't had a busy day like that for a long time.  Old healthy habits of being busy are popping up again and getting me excited for the days to come!  This week is a good week sofar.  Going to be full of time at the climbing gym, which makes me very happy.   VERY happy, seeing as I can't really afford to go climbing any other way than through belaying.  Alas, I am going to end this post here and move on to other things.  I shall post again soon!  It's good to get these feelings off my chest and send them outwards.  This is going to happen more often.

Living and learning!

I've been working on a poem or two again.  It feels really nice.  Last time I tried to write I was all hung up on this one idea and my writing was just awful, but then I decided to let go and write about what was really going on in my head and I've ended up with something fantastic that is soon to be finished!  As well, I revisited an old poem that I thought needed work, but it turns out it's totally done and I'm going to perform it tonight at Tongues of Fire!  I learnt that it's really important to tap into what you currently have going on in your mind, and in a sense of creativity to use it to your benefit because really - what else is there to grasp aside from the things burning in your head?  For me at least.  It all comes down to presence, it seems.  Capture the moment - and use a pen, or a camera, or paint, or a lover, or whatever but grasp it and make something of it because all of those moments amount to a larger appreciation of every second that passes by that may not seem as inspired, or driven.  Being present has been a huge struggle for me in the last few months.  I've been caught up with money issues, a lot of hermitting, a lack of motivation, and a lack of exercise.  It had gotten to this point of not having anything to be excited for, and dreading everything.  Dreading buying what little groceries I could, dreading doing laundry, dreading trying to bike anywhere.  And then excuses follow.  And then more deterioration.  It just spirals downward as easily as it spirals upwards and for me it ended up in a lot of sitting in my bed, not leaving the house, and just being a big debbie downer.    (My apologies to any Debbies reading this).  Like I said in my last post, I've been going out more to meet up with friends and that has been really exciting and fulfilling.  I've been finding myself running into people that are good for me to see, having meaningful conversations, and feeling more valuble as a human being.  Feeling like I have something to offer, be it as simple as conversation.  I want to transfer that joy of conversation to work, a minor side-goal.  As well, I'm finding the motivation exercise more easily and it's not as much of a struggle to get down and work a little harder.  Giving up drinking is barely worth talking about - it's been painfully simple thus far and I don't feel like I'm missing anything.  My overall enjoyment of life is definitely starting to increase, albeit slowly it is.  I'm learning and understanding more lessons, and being able to grasp beauty a little gentler and less forcefully.  Hoorah, forward motion!  I think I want to do a Vlog soon!  Weeeeo.

Friends.

I've been seeing old friends a lot lately.  Good friends.  It's been awhile since I've been this social, and it is really fantastic.  I forgot how nice it is to just sit down with someone and talk.  Over tea, over food, just sitting on a couch.  Having the chance to share my life with others, and have others share their lives with me makes me feel valuable.  Like I have something to share.  It gives me something positive to do with my time, and I get to learn about life from another point of view.  Plus it's fun!  Goofing around, or talking about goals.  It sets everything in stone.  Gets ideas flowing, and feed with motivation.  That's all I really have to say on that topic... Friends are fantastic!  Woooo.

What is going on here, guys?

I don't really know, to be honest!  But I do know that I have some new plans.  In the spirit of the new year, I'm setting some new goals.  Not necessarily resolutions as I see that as cheesy, but the new year is a nice excuse to try some fresh new things.  First off:  I'm not going to drink booze for as long as I feel I need to until I get myself figured out a bit better.  I find that I come across this new sense of self-connectedness and openness only after I drink, and I used to have those feelings on any given day so I'm going to work to rediscover those emotions through sobriety!  And just to work on my mental fortitude and self-control.  It's something that has gotten a little out of whack, and it's time to lock things down.

   Secondly, this blog is going to be a tool for me in my goals.  I'm working on getting more in touch with myself, more journalling, more writing, more music, and I aim to make this blog a hub of all of those.  I hope to vlog as well as post videos of myself performing poetry, others performing poetry, and have video interviews with creative folks around Victoria and just have overall lovliness revolving around this blog.  I'm continuing my old blog because I feel that all of the past posts are relevant and reveal more about where I've been!  Aaaaaaaaand yeah, that seems like the end of this paragraph.

   Here's another one!  I'm aiming to blog at least twice a week, have videos once a week, and use this as my personal journal.  Just be really candid and open, and get back into the groove of sharing my emotions!  Anyways, this is just a little intro, and  I'm going to make another post soon!

  Best Wishes, friends!