Living and learning!

I've been working on a poem or two again.  It feels really nice.  Last time I tried to write I was all hung up on this one idea and my writing was just awful, but then I decided to let go and write about what was really going on in my head and I've ended up with something fantastic that is soon to be finished!  As well, I revisited an old poem that I thought needed work, but it turns out it's totally done and I'm going to perform it tonight at Tongues of Fire!  I learnt that it's really important to tap into what you currently have going on in your mind, and in a sense of creativity to use it to your benefit because really - what else is there to grasp aside from the things burning in your head?  For me at least.  It all comes down to presence, it seems.  Capture the moment - and use a pen, or a camera, or paint, or a lover, or whatever but grasp it and make something of it because all of those moments amount to a larger appreciation of every second that passes by that may not seem as inspired, or driven.  Being present has been a huge struggle for me in the last few months.  I've been caught up with money issues, a lot of hermitting, a lack of motivation, and a lack of exercise.  It had gotten to this point of not having anything to be excited for, and dreading everything.  Dreading buying what little groceries I could, dreading doing laundry, dreading trying to bike anywhere.  And then excuses follow.  And then more deterioration.  It just spirals downward as easily as it spirals upwards and for me it ended up in a lot of sitting in my bed, not leaving the house, and just being a big debbie downer.    (My apologies to any Debbies reading this).  Like I said in my last post, I've been going out more to meet up with friends and that has been really exciting and fulfilling.  I've been finding myself running into people that are good for me to see, having meaningful conversations, and feeling more valuble as a human being.  Feeling like I have something to offer, be it as simple as conversation.  I want to transfer that joy of conversation to work, a minor side-goal.  As well, I'm finding the motivation exercise more easily and it's not as much of a struggle to get down and work a little harder.  Giving up drinking is barely worth talking about - it's been painfully simple thus far and I don't feel like I'm missing anything.  My overall enjoyment of life is definitely starting to increase, albeit slowly it is.  I'm learning and understanding more lessons, and being able to grasp beauty a little gentler and less forcefully.  Hoorah, forward motion!  I think I want to do a Vlog soon!  Weeeeo.