Tonight I'm gonna rest my chemistry.

Man, I don't even know right now. So much going on in my head. My mom's talking about moving a lot, but I can't see it happening if I'm going away for 6 months, and I don't want to trap her here. I dunno, it's a lot to think about. I'm still fairly sure I'm going to quit my job. I'm looking for something a little quieter, and that'll involved being around less people. We'll see what happens. Today was a decent day, mind you. Wasn't too terrible, I suppose. I was so tired the whole day. I dunno, I don't feel too up to blogging right now.
Night.

No words can describe

I feel like shit. Absolute shit. I just feel like putting my head in my hands and sitting. For days. I'm tired, my job is just not going well at all, I don't feel like I'm connected to anything at all. And that is fucking scary. I'm thinking I'm probably going to quit my job. I'm just feeling really trapped. I need to look for something I'm motivated and wanting to do. I took the door to door job because it was right there, and easy to get into. I've definitely learnt the easiest route is not the best route. Sooo, I dunno, I'm honestly pretty set on quitting. I have this feeling that even if I start doing well, it's not going to change anything. So I'm going to quit, and look for something more interesting. Dedicate my time back to myself, because I know that's something I need. Today was a decent day, as well. I had my first band practice in.... 5 months? It was so wonderful. Ben finished our album, and we've got some plans for selling CDs soon! ( www.myspace.com/islandsend ). It was just so good to make music again. Then I had a couple terrible bus rides, and a meeting that was actually really nice. It was for the Sooke Youth Council, and it was just awesome to think about stuff with people. It felt a bit redundant, but it was definitely something that was necessary to get the ball rolling again. So yeah. It's time for change.

Spit for the hated, the reviled, the unrefined.

So today was.... okay. My mom had a serious chat with me that involved her thinking about moving across the country, back to her home. It had me in a daze pretty much all day. She told me when she got home that she feels we probably wouldn't go, but it's still there I think. So I dunno, that really threw me for a loop. Then I had to work. I've been doing a terrible job for like, the last two weeks, and I just have to get it in gear. I don't know why I'm not doing well, but I need to pick it up somehow. So work is hell basically. I'm trying to pick it up, but it's just not working. I haven't been able to realize my emotions lately. I don't know what I feel. I feel like a giant callous. Tomorrow is going to be the first band practice in... 5 months? I am quite excited. It's been so long. It'll be nice to make music as a band again. I also have a pretty huge Youth Council meeting in the evening, so that'll be interesting as well. Tomorrow evening I'm going to bike as well. Down to the spit, and around. Just find quiet places to chill out, and relax, and breathe, or whatever. Hopefully this weekend goes well. I'm off to Squamish on Monday.

Slow Hands.

Ahhhh yes. This morning I felt very rushed, and I didn't enjoy it one bit. I was completely dreading going to work, but when I got there, it was nice to see Dan, Clem, and especially Louisa. It was extra nice to see her. I felt like I connected with her awesome at Braden's party, and it was just really nice to see her again. And the day went well, talked a lot which is always nice. But yeah, work was alright. Bus ride home was nice. I dunno what to blog about. I feel like my life is shambles again. I'm not biking much, not exercising much, not meditating much, not doing much of anything. I need to remember myself. I seem to get so caught up with having to always see people and do stuff that I forget about myself. I swear to fuck that I don't know what I need in life right now. I say need to damn much, and it's driving myself nuts. If I say I need something, and if I go out looking for it, I'm going to completely miss it. Being present is so important. Just be present. What I need will reveal itself when I am being. FDASGhadsjkfhdsfkahslkdas fuck man. It's really intense. It'll be sorted out soon enough, I guess. jkhaljf. Blah. This is how I feel.

Holy smokes.

So my weekend was amazing. The Potholes with Ben/Cody/Alex were wonderful. We hiked around for a few hours, and went in the water. They all swam down the potholes for awhile, and I couldn't as I can't swim, so I just stayed back and hung out. Before they trekked down the river, we decided to have a little poetry read. So I read a couple poems, and Ben recited his. I loved his poems a lot, they were so awesome. The anticipation was totally worth it. Then we started to talk about loud poems and stuff, and I've got a couple of those, and after we talked, I was just itching to recite mine. So I asked, and everyone was down, so I stood up and just went nuts. I read "Champion of Nothing", and it was incredible. When I got to the part on fear, and nothing stopping up, I was speaking at the top of my lungs. I could hear my voice echoing off of the potholes back at me. After I was done reading, I was shaking. It was so incredible, I just completely lost myself in my words. I realized that like... my voice adjusts to the size of the room, and there's no walls at the potholes, so I was just shouting my words to the world. It was such a freeing experience. So then they swam, and I walked down to the next little area, and just hung out, climbed on the rocks with them a little and the like. Then I just chilled on this one little beach by myself, and it was super super nice. Came home, hung around, and it was super chill. Such an awesome day. Right now, though, I feel like crap. I'm tired, feeling really rushed and stressed for some reason. I don't know why, but it sucks. I have to go to work, and I'm not stoked at all. I do not like canvassing in Esquimalt. The feeling of that place is just really eerie and incomplete to me. Whatever, work is work, as they all say. Work is bullshit.

Be well.

End of the day.

So, after I left Ben's, I caught the bus with another Ben, and we yakked and it was a nice ride, had a nice little talk with a couple backpackers. I went home, and met up with Ben and Cody a little later, and we just hung out, and it was super nice. We hiked through a bunch of sweet land to Kemp Lake - Cody's family owns a tonne of land out there. It was really beautiful. It felt so good to just be in and with nature. Then we went back to Cody's and hung out for a bit longer, listened to awesome music, listened to some sweet poetry, then we set up the tent and I went home for dinner. I was planning on going back, but by the time they got back to me I was way too tired. I would like to go, but I am just so dead I need a good rest, and to not bike around at night. I feel bad, as I just remembered that I was going to bring a glowstick so that we could do some light-art with some longer exposure film shots. Shit. Well, I'm at home for a reason, and I'm pretty sure it's for downtime. Which is really nice. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, though. It'll be nice.
I feel good.

Be well.

A bright and sunny morning.

So yesterday was an alright day. I went to work, and I dropped by the MEC and it turns out they didn't carry the shoes I wanted, so I've gotta order them through the website, but it's free so I'm not too worried about it at all. I'll probably get them in a couple weeks. Work was okay. I've been feeling a major lack of confidence at work, and nervousness doing my job, which has really hindered my ability to be effective. But I talked to this one guy and his buddy who were just sittin' down drinkin' beers and having a good time. He was super interested, listened to everything, and I had a really good rap. It just really lifted my spirits. So the rest of shift was alright, didn't make any money, but next week will be a lot better. Then after work, it was party time! Braden had a grad 'ol party, and I saw lots of people I haven't seen in ages. It was fantastic. I drank a bit, but I wasn't terribly drunk. I really need to stop being such a fucking loser, and really cut back on drinking. Even though I wasn't really drunk, I still drank more than I told myself I'd like to, and I hate letting myself down. There's no excuse as to why I cannot follow my own rules and goals that I set for myself. So I've gotta get my ass in gear with that. I was able to say "Hey, I need to help my body out, I'm going to bike a lot", and "Hey, I want to work my upper body, I'm going to work out as regularly as I can," and actually do it, so there's no reason why I'm not able to do this with drinking. Time to get my ass in gearrrr!!

Thanks.
Much love.

I had to buy a lot of stuff today.

So, I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or just because I am, but my mom is really driving me nuts. I had an early morning too. I got home at 12:30, because I missed the 9:55 bus, barely. So I ended up going to bed at about 2, and I was up at like 8:20-ish. I had to right away shower and bike to the see the community health nurse, and get my Tuberculin skin test results. Got those. Went to Worklink, faxed them to CWY. Then I went home, waited for the bank to open. Went to the bank, deposited my paycheque, dealt with a money order, went to People's, got stamps, went to Only Deals, got an envelope, went to the grocery store, got lunch meat, then came home. Got mega annoyed with my mom, so now I'm just wanting my own space. Right now I am eating breakfast, and considering if I want to go into town early or not, so I can drop by the MEC and grab some new kicks. Actually, depending on when Dan calls me, I'm going to go and get them today. I'm stoked on them. Anyways, this is me being done ranting for now. I'm hoping work goes better today than yesterday. We'll see what happens!

Be well.

August 20th.

Today was an alright day. It started off well. I woke up a bit early after a wonderful sleep, and worked out. Then I had a shower, and made some food, and headed off for work. It was nice. Work was okay... I wasn't totally feeling it today. I had a mess of emotions for the first half of work. I'm working an area where someone I care a lot about lives, and she's currently away, and it's just really weird. I felt a lot of anticipation, and it just made me a little uneasy. And the area I was working in was intimidating. It didn't feel good. Lots of huge expensive houses, incredible yards, amazing views. I mean, it was wonderful to be working by the ocean, but the surrounding area just didn't feel good. I trudged through it, and did alright. I missed the 9:55 bus which sucked, but it ended up being a good thing. I got my paycheque which I really needed, and I had a sweet bus ride home, and I got to spend some time with Daisy which was nice. It felt really good to read poetry to her, and vent out and stuff. Met her friend Jessica, and I talked to her for the busride, which was awesome. Talked with Alan a bit, and it was wonderful. So the bus ride was nice. Same with after work. The reason I missed my bus, was to talk to Jessica, and get my cheque. I just know that those are the reasons why. I'm sure tomorrow will be nicer, I'll at least be in the loop a little more for work and such. No more wild goose chases.

Fuck it.

Uuuuuuugh. So today was a waste of a day. I had my hearing test in the morning, which went well. The tester said he hasn't seen ears that can hear the higher frequencies like I can in a long time, which was super awesome. Then work was a disaster. Again. Apparently there was an e-mail sent out about where we're going to be meeting, but I never got it. Or a phone call, or anything. So I ended up calling Dan 4 times, with no answer. I called the hotline, no info there. Bused to Hillside, where we were, nobody there. Bused back to the office, nobody there. Bused back to Hillside, checked out the other cafe, nobody there. Bused back into town, and just floated around. So I'm going to start looking at other places to work part-time. I'm wanting to work like, in a garden/nursery place, learning about plants, and how to take care of them, and all that stuff. I'm actually at least really interested in that stuff. I'm really hoping it works out. We'll see what happens. I'm dreading work tomorrow.

Heaven only knows, 'cause I don't understand.

So, I didn't end up biking to Vic again. I know it looks like I'm avoiding it, but I'm really not. My knee has been getting messed up from biking, and I saw my doctor today and figured it out. It's some weird thing that just happens, mostly to runners. Turns out it lasts for like, 6 months then decides to disappear usually. So I'll look for some deep stretches, and take breaks while biking, and see what happens. Yesterday was a really good day. I hung out with Cory, and we walked all over the place, and talked, and chilled up on the summit for awhile, it was awesome. Then we went back to his place and chilled for awhile there, he lives at a really amazing place. He also gave me an amber synth dread, and a couple beads with it, and he gave me a set of runes, and a book explaining how they're used, and what they mean. I'm excited to learn about them. Then after that, I went to Malcolm's, and Tristan was there. Eventually Paul, and Greg showed up. We drank beers, and bbq'ed, and it was a good way to end my day. Today's been pretty frenetic sofar. I got up at 8, left at 9, got to the doc's at 9:40ish. Talked to him about my knee, and the tuberculin test, and a hearing test. Turns out I can get the TB test in Sooke, so I got that done. Then my Grandma and I (She drove me into Langford) dealt with our joint savings account, so now we can both do whatever we need. I also chatted with Jazzy, which was fantastic. Thennn I went home, and set up a hearing test for tomorrow morning. I checked the mail, and I got $500 for my passport to education, which is super cool. So I think I've got $750 total sitting there. Then I biked up Sooke and got our dog's license. So today's been good, busy. I work at 5. I'm just feeling really good after accomplishing a lot, and not having to worry about money or that kind of stuff. It's such a relief. So weird at the same time. I'm feeling really inspired to be out in nature. I want to hike through the Carmanah Valley, Cathedral Grove, San Juan Park, Red Creek, Strathcona Park, just all the old growth areas on the island. Suan Juan Park is home to the second largest Spruce in the world, I think, the San Juan Spruce. Then Red Creek is home to the Red Creek Fir, the largest Fir tree in the world. I dunno, if I know you fairly well, and you've got a 4x4 or some knowledge of the area, or you've been there before, I'd love to go. So uh, yeah. I dunno, I really want to see what this island/coast has to offer before it's all gone. On the whole, I feel quite refreshed and just.... calm. It's nice. I'm so loaded with anticipation it's ridiculous though. I feel like I could explode everytime I think about my exchange. Which is a lot.

*boom*

Be well!

"Nevermind," said the shotgun to the head.

So I'm doing alright currently. Yesterday was a lot of fun. Lots of laughing at work, which is always sweet. After work I ran into Seth, which was wonderful, I was happy to see him, we caught up really quickly. Then I ran into Mr.McFarland, which was awesome. I've been wondering how he's been, and it was so good to catch up. He's got a baby boy! So that is awesome for him. I caught the bus home, then I biked to Luke's place for his birthday party. It was a lot of fun! Climbed up on the top of Sooke Elementary and chilled up there for a bit. Back to Luke's, and we just laughed and watched videos on youtube, and watched TV, and laughed at porno titles. I biked home, and got to bed at around 4, and then woke up today at like noon. So late. So I decided because I had no solid plans, I'd just go biking. Biked to Langford, and my knee started to act up, so I decided against biking home, and I waited for a bus. Good choice on my part, Sammy and Katie were on the bus, and it was grea to see them. Had some good chats. Came home. Now I'm feeling kind of edgy. I think it's from a weird sleep last night, and my knee. I'm just really frusterated that my knee is suddenly deciding to act up when I ride my bike. Augh. Oh well, I guess. Tomorrow I'm biking to Vic, so hopefully it's not going to be a bitch. We'll see!

Good laughs and good times.

So today was spectacular. Woke up at 10, got ready for the day and such, and hopped on a bus at like quarter past 11. Hung out on the bus, Paige was there which was nice. It was good to see her. Then Jen hopped on, and we talked as usual, and walked around town a bit, went down the breakwater, just hung out for a bit. It was nice. We passed by the James Bay Coffee Co. and it turned out Cory was working his last shift! Superb timing on my part. So I'm going to bike into town on Monday, and meet up with him, and we'll bike to his place and just hang out and the like. He's off to Hornby soon, so he'll be gone-gone-gone which makes me sad! But he'll probably have such an amazing time. Then it was off to work. Work was chill, as usual lately. During dinner, I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. Louisa let out this like... blurp thing. It was a GIANT belch mixed with laughing, and it set Sarah, Evleen and I off completely. I almost choked and puked because before I was laughing, I took a bite of my apple, but I was okay. But I laughed and laughed and laughed. Even after everyone was done. I was so exhausted afterwards. My face was tired, I had huge tears down my face, my stomach burned, and I wanted to take a nap. It was fantastic. Then we worked more and it was good. Then I came home. The bus ride was interested. Ended up getting two new buses, ahah. OH YEAH, and I got super good news about the exchange I want to do. For those of you who don't know about the exchange, it'll be three months in an Atlantic Canadian province with a host family and exchange person, then three months in the exchange person's country. So 6 months total. And I'm hoping to go to Ghana. So I had to do some basic applying awhile ago, just like, my age, where I live that kinda stuff. Then I had to get medical forms done and I was stressing over them so badly. I got them done, and CWY recieved them a week or so ago, so I had wait for processing. So a few days ago I found out my medical forms were approved, which is SWEET. Then I got an e-mail this morning saying that I'm accepted to go into a phone conference type-thing to learn more about the program, and so CWY can learn more about me. So I just have to send them $250, anddd do the phone conference, and a weekish after the phone call, I'll find out if I'm in the program or not! I'm really hoping I get in. The exchange will be for next September. Hopefully, hopefully!

Be well, Much love.

Musings.

Hmmmm. Today was interesting. Got to work on time, Sarah and Evleen were late, but it's no huuuuge deal. We decide to go out finally, and it starts pouring. So we head into the mall. We kick it for awhile, and the rain finally decides to calm down, so we head out. It all goes well and work ends. Sweet. The bus ride to and from work was great. Hannah was on it, so I had great company and great conversation. I love that girl a lot! I've been kind of floating along lately; getting used to a schedule, and trying to get used to not biking as much. That last part - fucking sucks. I think I'll probably start biking to Langford soon, and eventually biking to Victoria for work. We'll see what happens. I've been really wanting to hear from a friend lately. I just want to hear how she's doing. Probably amazing, but it's always nice to know for sure. I'm going to work out extra hard today, because I ate a fuckload of shitty sugars today. Timbits and some other stuff. Just feels really gross.
Ugh. Hopefully I get a good nights sleep tonight; I'm going to see Jen in the morning. Goodnight.

Much love.

Perseids.

This is probably my favourite time of the year, when Perseids hits. I don't know why, but I just get some extra energy from it, and it makes me feel really content. I feel at home. Really at home. Today ended up being pretty alright. Work was good, I passed my eval so I've actually got the job. Not too shabby! I saw Jonah on the bus and talked with him, and it really calmed me down. Tonight I just went out and watched the showers for about an hour. Climbed up the hill at the development just behind my place, laid down, and looked up. It was magnificent. Saw at least 7 really bright meteors, and probably like, 7-10 smaller ones. So amazing. I wish I could just lay outside all night and watch. It was so amazing. Just on this hill, big fairly flat open area that turns into trees, and my little town below me, and the infinite sky above me, showering down with just like... natural totally beautiful little meteor droplets, ahah. It was magnificent, there was a lull for awhile, and I hoping to see some larger ones before I left as I need ample rest for work, and I waited for 5-10 minutes, and then one big one hit, and I got excited, sat up and got ready to go then a second hit, then a third, all within like, 15 seconds. It was as if the sky was saying goodnight. I saw a couple more on my way down, then rode home. It was very beautiful. Put a smile on my face, and even some chuckles of joy. Tomorrow night, more Perseids.

Yeeesh

Foreword note: This is copied and pasted from like, this morning.

Yesterday was a pretty good day! I set up my speedometer on my bike, and went for a 20K ride, which was nice. Thennn hung out at home for a bit, helped with dinner, and I was off to work. Work was good, had some great conversation that I needed, then I was off to the spit. The spit was amazing. I finally got to see the sun set over my town for the first time in awhile and it was really amazing. There was this gross smell of seaweed, and I was all "Euuuuugh", but then I went to look at it, and saw tens and tens of birds eating, and it was incredible. Something so yucky holding so much life. Then on the other side the sun was setting, and 4 seals were swimming around having a grand time. It was beautiful. Then this woman, Jude, and I talked a little bit about how amazing it all is. Kept walking, saw my Aunt's ex-boyfriend, and had a quick chat with him. It was just nice to really connect with people again. Did some meditation, walked around. Forgot my watch. But biking home, I ran into Dylan, Tasha, Matt, and Lee driving around, so we all talked, then we all went home and headed back down to the spit at like, 11 to soak up the meteor showers. They were pretty good, I enjoyed it. Now I'm off to work pretty soon, and I don't feel good about it. I don't know how working there is going to follow through, but we'll see. Things just kinda suck with it right now. Whatever. Fuck it.

Bloggy Doggy PSYCHE.

Yesterday I ended up not biking to Vic. The weather really put me off from the idea. So instead I bused into town, and got my MEC membership. Then I hunted around for "Slam" and couldn't find it. I tried to meet up with Seth, but he was nowhere in sight, I floated around from like, 1:15-2, and he wasn't anywhere, so something must have popped up. I saw my bus driver friend Tim, and it was so good to see him. He's not driving the 61 anymore which really sucks, but I'm in town a lot. We had a quick chat, and then I decided it was about time to get off the bus. So yeah, that was so wonderful. I bused back to Langford, and way going to visit Jen at Worklink but a workshop was going on, so I bused down to Canwest, and picked up a "Bike Computer". It's basically a speedometer, tachometer, and it measures your max. speed, and average speed, and trip time. It's really handy. I'm going to get a notepad and write down all of my riding info on it, and keep track of it all that way. Little more reliable than facebook statuses and memory. I saw Sara in Langford which was so awesome. I was really happy to see her. I bused home, and the ride was fairly average. At home I just chilled, and at around 12 I went on a scavenger hunt and got some cool stuff. Got home at about 1. Totally soaked, but it was fun. Theeennn today I just woke up, ate, hooked up my speedometer to my bike, and rode 23K. It was nice. Now I've gotta do some prep for dinner, eat, and it's off to work! I've been feeling like I'm on cruise control for the last couple days, and I hate the feeling. I feel outside of my body. It's fucking gross. So hopefully I can get over it soon. Tonight I'm going to bike to Whiffin Spit, I think, and meditate. I need it. My mom's been feeling totally dead of energy all day and it seems like nothing is helping her. It sucks a lot, and is a bit irritating, but whatever. I'll be gone for most of the evening.

Much love.

I've fallen far down, the first time around.

I've been listening to a lot of Nick Drake lately. Evan introduced me to him at POH, and I've really enjoyed his music. I really miss Evan. I need to call that boy and get some plans together. I haven't seen him since POH, which is far too long. I've been caught in the whirlwind lately. With work, I'm just feeling a lack of depth amongst the people I'm working with, so naturally I jump up to face value as well, and it feels like I'm comprimising myself. So through the week I kind of feel like I'm disassociated with myself. But today was really grounding. I was with Sammy for the day, and we just walked around barefoot together, talked, and learned a lot about each other. So it was just really amazing. I haven't a good solid connection in awhile. So today I got some more of the grasp back to myself. I also went on a 20K bike ride this evening. It felt like nothing. Which is really good. That means I am getting in shape. Tomorrow will hopefully be a 100KM day. Riding to Victoria and back. I'll have a nice break with Seth to re-energize, so I'm hoping I can make it both ways. I've met all my goals sofar, and I don't plan on breaking the streak. It's an extra 40K that I haven't ridden before, but you don't breakthrough by sitting still. Hopefully it all goes well! If I make the full 100K my three week total of riding will be 472KM. I'm hoping I can do that. I know I can do that. Fuck hoping; I can. I will. Tomorrow I'm riding to and from Victoria. It will be intense, and good.

Much love, be well.

Emotions!

So today was a weird day... I woke up, and went on a bike ride, it wasn't anything too amazing, but it was good. I decided against a big ride, because when I woke up I just wasn't feeling it at all. I cahsed my cheque, which was weird. I got pissed off in the bank. They have a fantastic "anti-burglary" system in place where you have to remove sunglasses, turn your hat backwards, or take it off. That kind of stupid bullshit. I had a helmet on and I was told to remove it. Soooo pointless. I'm going to rob a fucking bank, then getaway on my bike. It just pisses me off when I have to do stupid shit like that. Whatever. Today I've been feeling pretty emotional. Just like... lonely, kind of empty. Not like, anything brutal, but just a bit of a wake-up call. Work was decent. I was really motivated to get stuff done, but everyone else was feeling down and out, so that kinda sucked. But whatevaaaaa. Then I talked to this one woman at this house, and it was really surreal. I knocked on the door, and an older woman answered, and I asked as I always do, "Hello! How are you doing?" She said well, then stopped herself and said "Well, not really" and she rubbed her hand through her hair and said "I'm going through chemo". And it just hit me. It was a very intense feeling, and I was like, speechless. We had a short nice chat after, but I'm not going to forget that woman anytime soon. She really blew my mind. So that is still sitting with me. Right now I just want to hold someone I care deeply about. I don't really care who, there's a number of people I care deeply for, but alas, I am in Sooke, and they are all far away. But oh well, I'll get through it. Always do!

Be well.

Rice.

God damn I love rice. I alos love exercising. Which means after this I am working out, and tomorrow morning I am waking early to go on a bike ride, before I'm off to work. I have to remember to fit biking in along with work. I still need to ride 100KM every week. After tomorrow's ride, I'll be at 90 for the week. I can make up 10 for sure. Today work started off so slow, and I felt so not into it, but after dinner it totally perked up. I made another PAC and totally had a confidence booster. I'm really excited to bike tomorrow. I saw my bike today, and it's been like... 4 days since I've ridden. Fuck that shit. I'm so stoked to ride tomorrow. But yeah, today = good. Saw Hannah on both bus rides! So nice to have a friend to bus with. Working is good, but I need to remember to focus on all aspects of my life. It feels like I'm moving forward with work, but I'm otherwise stagnant. So! Biking time. Reading time. Connecting with people time. Gotta remember all of that. Whew! Time to work out, and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. Goodnight, friends!

Much love.

Whoa, man.

I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. I FEEL PART OF IT IS THE FULL MOON. But a lot of it is Ben hauling ass and remastering two of our songs, and mixing two more. All this new material just gets me so stoked for the band. So that is so good. Updated the myspace, give it a listen! http://www.myspace.com/islandsend
So yeah, that is fantastic. Work went better than I was expecting today. I made some money! It took me like, a week to do that last time, so that was reassuring for sure. I had a good time, ended up meshing with the people, and it's sweet sofar. So yeah, I'm just feeling good right now. Not a lot to say... but yeah. Full moons make a little loopy.

Now do you know how I feel, tonight?

I FEEL GREAT. I don't know why. Probably the little workout. They always make me feel good. I think talking to Claire helped as well. She is such a lovely gal. I wish I could wake up, and see her outside my window waving or something. Oh well! Today was a super lazy day for me. I slept in until like, 12:30. Got some much needed rest. So yeah, today I just like, sat on the computer, played a bit of bass, and lazed around. Such a nice rest after like, 5 days of go-go-go. I worked my first shift at the Youth Drop-In "One Stop Shop". It was good! I enjoyed it. Had some important conversation that turned into some action items. I enjoy being there. This evening I've just chilled. I start work on door tomorrow. I always feel two really opposing emotions when I think about work. I get really exicted about being with the door crew, and and making PACs and being all in it, but I also feel this great apprehension. I have a feeling it's just my opposition to working for money. So we'll see how it goes. Work will treat me how I need to be treated. If it kicks my ass, I'm not meant to be working at PO. Anyways, that's about all for this blog. Bedtime soon!

I love you.

Shiiit.

SO.
I've been so busy in the last like, 5 days. Good god. I'm glad it's over. Yesterday was a good day. The Symphony Splash was good. It was a lot of fun to volunteer for, I had a good time. I dropp by VEMF for an hour at Billy's Bistro to soak up my friend Chris' (DJ Okibi) set. It was sick, I loved it. Then I went back and volunteered from 7-11:45. It was sweet. I stayed the night at Paul's place, and leaft early in the morning, around 7:30AM. Bused home, ate, showered, then hopped on my bike and rode to Oak Bay. It was about a 60K ride, and took me around three hours. It was great, but my hip/knee were bugging me from the start. My knee now officially KILLS. But it was worth it. My two week total of cycling is now 344KM. Ezra had an art day at his house, and it was good. I enjoyed it. Rachael mentioned that with my spoken word so much of it sounds the same, and I totally agree, and I was hit with a strong feeling of wanting to change that; so I'm going to really work to experiment with words, and sounds, and beatboxing, and all that. Try to really create something unique for myself. I was so tired all day, I felt pretty bad about being so dead at the art gathering. But it was good, for sure. Then I came home. I am glad to be home. I'm not feeling too introspective right now. My leg hurts, I'm tired, and yeah. I just need some rest. I'm not doing my body any good with such little rest. I'll workout tonight though, just because I need it.

Holy Hell.

SO, yesterday. Yesterday I woke up really early. 6:30AM. To be at work for 10AM. I did a street shift instead of door because of shifting contracts and stuff, so yeah. It was alright. We were in a crappy location, and I just really didn't enjoy it. It was painful, slow, and I don't like the feeling of street. I feel really rushed, and I found it hard to like.. be calm about it all and hook people from just walking by. I much prefer door. So that was okay. Then I hung out with a bunch of the PO crew, which was nice. We just sat on the sidewalk and yakked. It was cool. Then I went to the Halo Fragfest. Oh man was it ever a blast. I had a lot of fun, it was good to just play mindless video games with a bunch of people. I stayed the night at Ben's which was a lot of fun. I really like being in that house, it feels a lot like a second home sometimes. The morning was pretty decent, just hung around with Ben/Beth/Kate. It was nice. Good to see everyone. I then caught a bus to town, where I metup with a different Ben. We talked for a bit, then Joey and Mike appeared. So I had a quick chat with them. Then I hung out with Ben for the following few hours. It was really awesome. We just talked about a lot of stuff. A lot, ahah. It was really awakening to talk about all of it. We dropped by VEMF a few times, and man, it was so amazing. I just totally have a thing for people gathering, it gives me so much energy. Get people gathering, and have wicked music. Well, I almost needed a change of underpants due to orgasm. It was just amazing. I joined a hack circle, and just danced and hacky-sacked. It felt wondrous. Then I hopped on a bus back to Sooke, and Sinead was on the bus. To make that even better, Dan was driving our bus. For those of you unfarmiliar with Dan, he announces all the stops, thanks everyone for taking BC transit, updates you on ETAs, the time, and the weather. He really makes you engaged in using a public service, which is so cool. Sinead and I also had very intense chats, which was SO good. Then I came home to my Grandma, Mom, Cousin and her son being there. I wasn't expecting my cousin/Odin, so I was a bit like "whoaa man". But it was nice to like... be with my family. It didn't feel as tense as it always does. I guess it's because my aunt wasn't there. But it was pretty good. I was kind of hoping for some downtime, I'm so tired. But I didn't really get much with a little toddler around. So I ended up biking to the spit, which was good. Then I came home. Now I'm here. I NEED to workout tonight before I go to bed. I've missed it three nights in a row, and that is not good at all. Sooo, I'll hopefully not fall asleep too late. Tomorrow is going to be a massive day.

Much love. Be well.