Changes.

I was watching a good chunk of the Waking Life with my roommate Sammy today and it just got me to thinking how much thought can change, and just how much we change as people over a period of time.  The Waking Life has some political undertones, a lot on lucid dreaming, and a lot on the awareness of everyday life and where we are at as creative, aware beings.  The part that is the most interesting to me.  I feel like I've been shown all these methods and ideas and ways to get the most out of life, and I know they're all swirling around in my body somewhere, but they just don't feel like they are there as they used to be.  I used to be so diligent with my meditation, and being connected, and at the whim of the world.  But I don't desire that anymore.  It's coming down to what I desire.  And I want some quiet.  I want to be in my own space - tucked out of the way, and have a place where I can just escape and feel really comfortable.  Be out of everyone's way because I feel like I can be in the way a lot.  I feel like a nuisance sometimes, and I like to be really far away from that so my own little space would be really nice.  Romance is also chewing me up a bit, so I'm just trying to balance daily life with letting things be at the will of what they wish to do, and not my own.  To a degree I control the situations I am in, but only to a certain degree.  I am horrible at being patient.    So so so bad at it.  I've got some feelings that are so hard to be patient with; but I've also been so patient to the point that I've seen something awesome walk in front of me, and then walk on by me as well.  So internally I am a little all over the place, but I am moving along which is really nice.  When certain feelings arise that have been under the ground for some time - it feels unreal.  Yes, I am purposefully being vague here.  On another note: I'm hoping to get a dope haircut soon, and a dope tax return which means getting much needed dental work done!  And then saving.  And hopefully moving.  And hopefully this and hopefully that.  Trying to stay calmly excited for whats to come in the next couple months.  I hope it's busy, and full of fun and anticipation.  I don't really know what I'm trying to say with this blog post, but it's just kind of flowing out of me here a little bit.  Girls, haircut, work, moving, hip injuries, tax returns, sleep, anxiety, energy, and frustration are common themes for me right now.  That seems like a lot.  Hm.