I've fallen far down, the first time around.

I've been listening to a lot of Nick Drake lately. Evan introduced me to him at POH, and I've really enjoyed his music. I really miss Evan. I need to call that boy and get some plans together. I haven't seen him since POH, which is far too long. I've been caught in the whirlwind lately. With work, I'm just feeling a lack of depth amongst the people I'm working with, so naturally I jump up to face value as well, and it feels like I'm comprimising myself. So through the week I kind of feel like I'm disassociated with myself. But today was really grounding. I was with Sammy for the day, and we just walked around barefoot together, talked, and learned a lot about each other. So it was just really amazing. I haven't a good solid connection in awhile. So today I got some more of the grasp back to myself. I also went on a 20K bike ride this evening. It felt like nothing. Which is really good. That means I am getting in shape. Tomorrow will hopefully be a 100KM day. Riding to Victoria and back. I'll have a nice break with Seth to re-energize, so I'm hoping I can make it both ways. I've met all my goals sofar, and I don't plan on breaking the streak. It's an extra 40K that I haven't ridden before, but you don't breakthrough by sitting still. Hopefully it all goes well! If I make the full 100K my three week total of riding will be 472KM. I'm hoping I can do that. I know I can do that. Fuck hoping; I can. I will. Tomorrow I'm riding to and from Victoria. It will be intense, and good.

Much love, be well.

Emotions!

So today was a weird day... I woke up, and went on a bike ride, it wasn't anything too amazing, but it was good. I decided against a big ride, because when I woke up I just wasn't feeling it at all. I cahsed my cheque, which was weird. I got pissed off in the bank. They have a fantastic "anti-burglary" system in place where you have to remove sunglasses, turn your hat backwards, or take it off. That kind of stupid bullshit. I had a helmet on and I was told to remove it. Soooo pointless. I'm going to rob a fucking bank, then getaway on my bike. It just pisses me off when I have to do stupid shit like that. Whatever. Today I've been feeling pretty emotional. Just like... lonely, kind of empty. Not like, anything brutal, but just a bit of a wake-up call. Work was decent. I was really motivated to get stuff done, but everyone else was feeling down and out, so that kinda sucked. But whatevaaaaa. Then I talked to this one woman at this house, and it was really surreal. I knocked on the door, and an older woman answered, and I asked as I always do, "Hello! How are you doing?" She said well, then stopped herself and said "Well, not really" and she rubbed her hand through her hair and said "I'm going through chemo". And it just hit me. It was a very intense feeling, and I was like, speechless. We had a short nice chat after, but I'm not going to forget that woman anytime soon. She really blew my mind. So that is still sitting with me. Right now I just want to hold someone I care deeply about. I don't really care who, there's a number of people I care deeply for, but alas, I am in Sooke, and they are all far away. But oh well, I'll get through it. Always do!

Be well.

Rice.

God damn I love rice. I alos love exercising. Which means after this I am working out, and tomorrow morning I am waking early to go on a bike ride, before I'm off to work. I have to remember to fit biking in along with work. I still need to ride 100KM every week. After tomorrow's ride, I'll be at 90 for the week. I can make up 10 for sure. Today work started off so slow, and I felt so not into it, but after dinner it totally perked up. I made another PAC and totally had a confidence booster. I'm really excited to bike tomorrow. I saw my bike today, and it's been like... 4 days since I've ridden. Fuck that shit. I'm so stoked to ride tomorrow. But yeah, today = good. Saw Hannah on both bus rides! So nice to have a friend to bus with. Working is good, but I need to remember to focus on all aspects of my life. It feels like I'm moving forward with work, but I'm otherwise stagnant. So! Biking time. Reading time. Connecting with people time. Gotta remember all of that. Whew! Time to work out, and sleeeeeeeeeeeep. Goodnight, friends!

Much love.

Whoa, man.

I FEEL SO GOOD RIGHT NOW. I FEEL PART OF IT IS THE FULL MOON. But a lot of it is Ben hauling ass and remastering two of our songs, and mixing two more. All this new material just gets me so stoked for the band. So that is so good. Updated the myspace, give it a listen! http://www.myspace.com/islandsend
So yeah, that is fantastic. Work went better than I was expecting today. I made some money! It took me like, a week to do that last time, so that was reassuring for sure. I had a good time, ended up meshing with the people, and it's sweet sofar. So yeah, I'm just feeling good right now. Not a lot to say... but yeah. Full moons make a little loopy.

Now do you know how I feel, tonight?

I FEEL GREAT. I don't know why. Probably the little workout. They always make me feel good. I think talking to Claire helped as well. She is such a lovely gal. I wish I could wake up, and see her outside my window waving or something. Oh well! Today was a super lazy day for me. I slept in until like, 12:30. Got some much needed rest. So yeah, today I just like, sat on the computer, played a bit of bass, and lazed around. Such a nice rest after like, 5 days of go-go-go. I worked my first shift at the Youth Drop-In "One Stop Shop". It was good! I enjoyed it. Had some important conversation that turned into some action items. I enjoy being there. This evening I've just chilled. I start work on door tomorrow. I always feel two really opposing emotions when I think about work. I get really exicted about being with the door crew, and and making PACs and being all in it, but I also feel this great apprehension. I have a feeling it's just my opposition to working for money. So we'll see how it goes. Work will treat me how I need to be treated. If it kicks my ass, I'm not meant to be working at PO. Anyways, that's about all for this blog. Bedtime soon!

I love you.

Shiiit.

SO.
I've been so busy in the last like, 5 days. Good god. I'm glad it's over. Yesterday was a good day. The Symphony Splash was good. It was a lot of fun to volunteer for, I had a good time. I dropp by VEMF for an hour at Billy's Bistro to soak up my friend Chris' (DJ Okibi) set. It was sick, I loved it. Then I went back and volunteered from 7-11:45. It was sweet. I stayed the night at Paul's place, and leaft early in the morning, around 7:30AM. Bused home, ate, showered, then hopped on my bike and rode to Oak Bay. It was about a 60K ride, and took me around three hours. It was great, but my hip/knee were bugging me from the start. My knee now officially KILLS. But it was worth it. My two week total of cycling is now 344KM. Ezra had an art day at his house, and it was good. I enjoyed it. Rachael mentioned that with my spoken word so much of it sounds the same, and I totally agree, and I was hit with a strong feeling of wanting to change that; so I'm going to really work to experiment with words, and sounds, and beatboxing, and all that. Try to really create something unique for myself. I was so tired all day, I felt pretty bad about being so dead at the art gathering. But it was good, for sure. Then I came home. I am glad to be home. I'm not feeling too introspective right now. My leg hurts, I'm tired, and yeah. I just need some rest. I'm not doing my body any good with such little rest. I'll workout tonight though, just because I need it.

Holy Hell.

SO, yesterday. Yesterday I woke up really early. 6:30AM. To be at work for 10AM. I did a street shift instead of door because of shifting contracts and stuff, so yeah. It was alright. We were in a crappy location, and I just really didn't enjoy it. It was painful, slow, and I don't like the feeling of street. I feel really rushed, and I found it hard to like.. be calm about it all and hook people from just walking by. I much prefer door. So that was okay. Then I hung out with a bunch of the PO crew, which was nice. We just sat on the sidewalk and yakked. It was cool. Then I went to the Halo Fragfest. Oh man was it ever a blast. I had a lot of fun, it was good to just play mindless video games with a bunch of people. I stayed the night at Ben's which was a lot of fun. I really like being in that house, it feels a lot like a second home sometimes. The morning was pretty decent, just hung around with Ben/Beth/Kate. It was nice. Good to see everyone. I then caught a bus to town, where I metup with a different Ben. We talked for a bit, then Joey and Mike appeared. So I had a quick chat with them. Then I hung out with Ben for the following few hours. It was really awesome. We just talked about a lot of stuff. A lot, ahah. It was really awakening to talk about all of it. We dropped by VEMF a few times, and man, it was so amazing. I just totally have a thing for people gathering, it gives me so much energy. Get people gathering, and have wicked music. Well, I almost needed a change of underpants due to orgasm. It was just amazing. I joined a hack circle, and just danced and hacky-sacked. It felt wondrous. Then I hopped on a bus back to Sooke, and Sinead was on the bus. To make that even better, Dan was driving our bus. For those of you unfarmiliar with Dan, he announces all the stops, thanks everyone for taking BC transit, updates you on ETAs, the time, and the weather. He really makes you engaged in using a public service, which is so cool. Sinead and I also had very intense chats, which was SO good. Then I came home to my Grandma, Mom, Cousin and her son being there. I wasn't expecting my cousin/Odin, so I was a bit like "whoaa man". But it was nice to like... be with my family. It didn't feel as tense as it always does. I guess it's because my aunt wasn't there. But it was pretty good. I was kind of hoping for some downtime, I'm so tired. But I didn't really get much with a little toddler around. So I ended up biking to the spit, which was good. Then I came home. Now I'm here. I NEED to workout tonight before I go to bed. I've missed it three nights in a row, and that is not good at all. Sooo, I'll hopefully not fall asleep too late. Tomorrow is going to be a massive day.

Much love. Be well.